Can Men Perform 'Pehli Rasoi' Ritual? Pulkit Samrat Shows Us How

Marriages are grand. Not only because they begin with magnificent decor, pandals and ceremonies but also because they mark the beginning of a new life. But do you know what makes the marriage long-lasting? Equality. Bollywood actors Pulkit Samrat and Kriti Kharbanda who got married recently are giving us goals of equality in marriage. Kharbanda posted pictures of her husband Pulkit Samrat making halwa. Recently married, Samrat decided to perform the ceremony of 'pehli rasoi' at Kharbanda's home in Bengaluru just like she did in his parental home in Delhi. 

Leading The Way Through The Rasoi

In the post, Kharbanda wrote a long caption detailing her conversation with Samrat. She called Samrat's act a "Green Flag Alert" and said that it made her fall in love with him all over again. She further wrote, "Pulkit ki pehli rasoi happened yesterday. I walked into the kitchen and realised he was making halwa. I asked him what he was doing, and he casually responded, halwa bana raha hoon, it's my pehli rasoi. I giggled and told him, pehli rasoi ladki ki hoti hai baby. To which his response was, that's so silly, we've both decided to share equal responsibility in this relationship. You cooked for our family back home in Delhi, I'll cook for our family here in Bangalore. Simple."

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Focussing on how Samrat made equality in marriage, a concept that is still alien to many communities, simple, Kharbanda said, "He used the word simple. Yes. So casually he changed everything around and used the word simple. And in all honesty, it was. It was that simple. Pulkit Samrat you are the best thing that's ever happened to me. Thank you for showing me that you're the best decision I've ever made. Tu sabr ka phal hai baby, sabse meetha. P.S. The pictures aren't so great coz I was too blurry visually from being supremely emo, but really wanted to share this with the world." 

A few days ago, Kharbanda too performed her pehli rasoi ceremony and posted pictures and reels of it. 

The ceremony of pehli rasoi and the idea behind it

The ceremony of pehli rasoi is traditionally performed by newly married women in their matrimonial homes. This ceremony is a kind of test of the new bahu's cooking skills. She is supposed to make something sweet and feed the entire family. The custom is restricted to women because it is assumed that women are the ones who will cook in the house. Even today, many families practice this ceremony and are so serious about it that if a woman fails to impress the family with her dish, she is criticised for not being good enough for the family. 

But in today's day and age, women are not ready to be confined in the kitchens. Moreover, men too understand their responsibility to help their wives in taking care of the house. So the idea of pehli rasoi seems irrelevant and regressive. However, rather than forgetting our traditions completely, we can reform them and save them from becoming extinct. And this is exactly what Samrat did. He not only respected the traditions but also fulfilled his duty as a husband in an equal marriage.

More examples of equality being practised in marriages

In fact, not just Samrat and Kharbanda, but a few other couples also gave us such goals. A couple who fell in love while shooting a Malayalam television series got married. During the marriage, the bride, as per ritual, bowed down to touch her groom's feet. But she was not ready for what happened next. "Prem just surprised everyone when he bent down to touch my feet," she said. 

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When actors Rajkumar Rao and Patralekha got married, they left us in awe. After Rao put sindoor on Patralekha's head, he asked her to put sindoor on his head too.

Another couple who reformed wedding rituals to make them equal is Phalasa and Shiv. "We decided for every ceremony for a girl, we’d have a corresponding ceremony for the guy. We both decided to put sindoor on each other, cut out the part of the mangalsutra, and both of us threw rice at the end of the ceremony. There was a male version of kanyadaan as well, and we came up with 'kunwar daan'," Phalasa told SheThePeople.

Equality shouldn't die out after wedding ceremonies

These examples clearly show that people are now resisting regressive rituals. They are not ready to accept rituals that signify women's submissiveness in marriages. However, they are not rejecting the rituals altogether because undeniably rituals are a part of our tradition and cannot be just forgotten. Rather, they are reforming it to establish equality. If rituals are reformed in a way that both the groom and bride are tied in a knot of equality, the marriage will have a new definition.  

However, let us also remember that equality in marriage is much more than reforming rituals. Couples need to accept the idea of equality wholeheartedly so that they practice it even after the wedding is over. They need to support each other in every situation of life without being judgemental, frustrated or biased. They need to provide emotional, physical and materialistic support to each other. Couples also need to balance their families so that no one feels suppressed. No matter how long-lasting the marriage is, it will be a happy one only if equality doesn't die out. 

Views expressed are the author's own.