We've Now Hit A 'Paperclipping' Terminology In The Dating Arena

The 21st century has revolutionised the dating arena and broadened our perspectives as well as the terminologies one can use while dating. From being a red flag to ghosting your partner, benching your ex and catfishing your crush, we have learned innumerable methodologies of dating. But there's more...

From Microsoft's Clippy to a Dating Trend

We recently came across the term, 'paperclipping' which is as confusing as it sounds. In psychologist Bruce Y Lee's article in Psychology Today, the origin of the term 'Paperclipping' comes from Microsoft's digital assistant in the early 2000's with which most Gen Z might be unfamiliar. This digital assistant was a paperclip, called 'Clippy,' which was programmed to be extremely user-friendly and popped up every now and then on screen but ultimately ended up being interfering and a nuisance for most users. It rarely helped them and mostly just distracted the software users.

Clippy was a household name back then but also famous for its disturbing presence on people's screens which is how the dating term 'paperclipping' came into existence. This trend resembles the behaviour of the 00s's digital assistant Clippy, which is when a potential love interest texts you abruptly and pops on your screen with random messages. These texts are neither urgent nor helpful. Psychologist Bruce Y Lee describes these texts as a simple 'How are you?' or 'What are you doing?' 

Breaking the Habit and Hitting Pause

The question remains: how would these texts signify the trend of 'paperclipping'? While these texts seem casual and simple at the surface and are usually the preface of every conversation. But when your love interest texts you with these questions and you reply, you rarely ever hear from them again. They just seem to let you think they are interested enough but not more. But each time they text you, you end up typing vigorously on your keyboard. Like the Microsoft digital assistant Clippy, they give you enough to reply each time but not enough to keep waiting for them. You can call this "tolerable disturbance" because you always seem to like them enough to reply but never care less to ignore or block them.

Paperclipping is a very common habit but it not only encapsulates the behaviour of your love interest but also some friends. They would pop up on your screen every now and then, leaving you stranded with a shallow conversation and a string of 'Hi's' and 'Hello's.' This trend might not seem as hurtful on the face of it but it is emotionally taxing and recurring for the person on the other side of the screen. It is easy to halt conversations with people after exchanging a few words but for the person who is emotionally and psychologically attached to the other person these texts might symbolise hope and yearning at its best. 

To break from this vicious cycle, psychologist Bruce Y. Lee suggests that there are two options, either you let this habit subsume you and revert to their texts every time they keep you hanging, or you can detach from this behaviour by ignoring them and/or blocking them. Paperclipping, if pursued at lengths, can eventually harm you emotionally and mentally making it difficult to disassociate from that person. It is necessary we identify this behaviour and halt it.