Young Women In India Are Scared Of Marriages, Why?

“Are you planning on getting your daughter married?” “When will you get married?” “You will be getting married next, prepare yourself!” Well, Indian families have an array of such questions, statements, and phrases ready for women as soon as they enter their 20s. It may seem like the days are gone when marriage was the biggest concern for women; it has not. The pressure of “settling” still lingers over women.

Amidst the pestering from family and those around, women resort to their creativity to dodge these questions. Marriage for some seems alarming, frightening for a multitude of reasons and rightly so. Why? Because in Indian society, the undue pressure of preserving a marriage is usually placed on women which will make anyone panic.

Young Women Scared Of Marriage

Women are often told off by their parents that they can do whatever they want once they are married and in the same breath, they are reminded that they will never actually have the agency over their choices. And the idea of losing your individuality, and independence is certainly scary for young women out there.

Why would women want to actively enter a relationship where they are required to hand over the reins of their lives to a man, they were probably unacquainted with, who will give them permission to do things.

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Moreover, the fear of the marriage not working out is debilitating too for women will be constantly harrowed to put up with the toxic marriage. Even if she makes out of it, she will be prone to constant remarks about her “unsuccessful” marriage. Every woman deals with thoughts as such in different ways. Some may get married regardless while some will try to avoid it.

If that were not enough, women’s life changes entirely as their responsibilities increase manifolds because women are expected to take care of various things like cooking, cleaning, and other household responsibilities. Women are forced to slog while men are lauded for “helping” them even if they do the bare minimum of a chore which is essential for survival.

Simultaneously, the women are expected to take on an entirely new identity after marriage. While it is mostly limited to last names, in certain Indian communities, women’s first names are also changed. The thought of losing the identity they had until they got married is scary and a woman’s fear of not wanting marriage because of it is valid.

All of this denotes one thing: marriages in India are still patriarchal in nature for the most part. And entering a situation where the power dynamics are so skewed is anxiety-inducing. Not every woman is ready to put up with the societal demands which include being superlatives like an expert in child-raising etc. Objectification of women is rampant in the matrimony world and few women would want to undergo the harrowing process.

Attachment styles that a woman exhibits also influence their decision to marry. We all have an attachment style that is formed through observation of relationships around us. It is highly likely a woman would not want to be married and be distrustful towards the institution if their parent or any relative around were in an abusive marriage. Women too are humans and do experience commitment phobia. Given so much is required from women, it is not absurd a woman would not want to get married.

In the end, it is a woman’s decision to make and not her parents' or the society’s decision whether she wants to get married or not. Some may find the strength to move past their fears and place their trust in marriages and some may not and it is alright. Women’s lives do not and shouldn’t ever depend on their marital status.

Views expressed are the author's own