Zyada Ghoomne Ki Zarurat Nahi Hai: Why Are Young Women Not Allowed To Have Fun?

Every woman's life is controlled in some manner by those around her. While physical control comes from guidelines on what to do and what not, mentally, it is exerted by burdening their conscience with hesitation and guilt. Controlling the manner in which women can have fun, and by how much degree is yet another way patriarchy ensures that women never learn to be confident and independent individuals.

Policing women's outdoor activities is a favourite pastime in Indian households. You went out yesterday, so no, you cannot go out today again. You went shopping just last month with your friends, why do you need to go today as well? Be it in the name of ensuring their safety or preserving their "good" behaviour, families and society love to keep a close tab on every second that women spend outside their homes. Solo Trips. Sleepovers. Movie night. Party. All are controlled by the ones who are handed the agency over women's lives.

Here, no one is trying to determine what fun means to whom. Having fun can mean different things, to different people. The only constant denominator is the act of being controlled. Mary Wollstonecraft writes, “To subjugate a rational being to the mere will of another…..is a cruellest and undue stretch of power." For most Indian women, this cruelty is a part of their day-to-day lives.

Young women having fun: Why do they face so much scrutiny

Women are not “allowed” to have fun because then men will need to be held accountable for transgressions in their behaviour. Since society prefers to turn a blind eye toward &t=8s">toxic male behaviour, it balances the act by micromanaging women's lives. So if a woman is out late at night and gets harassed while on her way back home, she will be scolded for not listening to the advisory that asks her to return home by a specific time, while the predator in question can go scot-free.

If you are telling a woman, to not step outside the home to meet her friends, because it’s not safe, the first question that should pop into your head must be, “Who makes the outside world unsafe for women?” You denied that sleepover to your daughter or sister, just because in the back of your head you knew that you have no control over the outside world and because you want the women in your life to live by your definition of a "good woman".

And mind you, even financially independent women have very little control over what they can and can't do for fun. You might be earning your own paycheck, but it is your parents who get to decide if you can hang out with a certain friend or visit a pub on Saturday night or not.

Today, when you go to sleep ask yourself when was the last time you had stepped outside to have a fun-filled evening without anyone scrutinising all your decisions every step of the way. Don't we all know moms, dads and brothers who constantly want to know where you are? Or tell you to not visit a specific place because they do not approve of it? While women have learned to enjoy and unwind despite the policing, this is not how our lives should be. We should be able to set limits for ourselves, especially when it comes to how we can enjoy our lives.

The views expressed is the author’s own.

Suggested Reading: Zaraa Dheere Bolo, Dhang Se Baitho: How Etiquettes Are Used To Control Women