'YOU' Released- Can We Stop Romanticizing Stalking As Love?

The fourth installment of the popular Netflix series YOU was dropped on the OTT platform on Thursday. The crime thriller is critically acclaimed and much loved by the audience. Yet it has garnered a significant amount of criticism as well. If one spots Joe Goldberg, the lead character of YOU in the neighbourhood, he would come across as an attractive man. But is he as charming, soft-spoken, and kind as he appears to be?

Joe Goldberg sees you, gets attracted to you, gets to know you, falls in love with you, and wants to protect you. While that may sound enticing, but once Joe Goldberg finds you intriguing, he "stalks" you both physically and digitally, insinuates himself into your life as a charming romantic interest, and gradually begins to control, manipulate, and will go to any length to "own" you. That is Joe in a capsule.

YOU Romanticises Stalking

According to National Crime Bureau (NCRB) data, 9,285 cases of stalking were reported, showing that nearly 25 cases were reported in a day. Apart from this, many cases of stalking go unreported due to the patriarchal set-up of our society. By reporting stalking, women expose themselves to the risk of angering the stalker, being blamed and shamed, and being denied their right to step out of the house to pursue their education or career.

Now, why is this article about YOU stating statistical data? Because the debate over whether movies and TV shows normalise or romanticise stalking is a long-standing one. Some people have a crush on the fictional character Joe Goldberg. People find him attractive, charming, and likeable, despite the horrific crimes that he commits. Comments like "Please kidnap me!" and "I thought Penn Badgley was sexy as "Dan Humphrey" in Gossip Girls but Joe Goldberg in YOU is a whole new level" on various online platforms are proof of the craze people have for Joe Goldberg.

Will any of us, in real life, feel attracted to a narcissistic, sociopathic, or criminal person? Definitely not! The minute we discover someone is dangerous, we would run for the hills. But why are some people attracted to Joe Goldberg? Because he is portrayed as a likeable person. In season 2, we see him filled with remorse over killing Beck, whom he loved in season 1. In season 3, we see an almost teary-eyed Joe as he leaves his infant son with his neighbours. Aside from the fact that Joe Goldberg is attractive, scenes like these lead people to believe that narcissists and sociopaths can have empathy. In reality, however, they do not. Joe is a walking red flag but isn't portrayed that way.

He thinks he can fix a woman; it is his duty to do so. But as wannabe feminist Joe forgets, these women never wanted to be fixed. To say so, Joe just wants to be the hero, the protagonist of the story where he becomes the saviour for the drowning woman he loves. His love interests are women with baggage, and someone like Karen, who is independent and can handle it all, is not his type. Because he doesn't get to be the hero, he doesn't get all the attention. Joe needs to fix his life before helping others. The point is that stalking is completely unacceptable, but real-life women are obsessed with fictional Joe and his narcissism.

The bio of YOU reads, "A dangerously charming, intensely obsessive young man goes to extreme measures to insert himself into the lives of those he is transfixed by." The word "stalking" is nowhere to be found. That is exactly what the show does. It always portrays Joe as a man with grey shades, while he is as black as coal. That is why people who are attracted to him are able to give him the benefit of the doubt. 

For some, Joe might seem like a passionate man, but the women he has stalked in his life either end up dead or run away in horror. And Joe always moves on to another woman, season after season. Shows like YOU, in which a stalker is romanticized, have a profound effect on stalking survivors. It trivialises the nightmare that terrified them. It would be helpful if the show included a disclaimer at the beginning or end of each episode as a trigger warning to survivors and helplines that could help those who are in a similar situation.

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