Should Women Be Labelled As "Arrogant" If They Reject Men Who Like Them?

Bollywood has given us many types of romantic stories. For instance, do you remember how Poo from Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham always underestimates men who show interest in her? If you have watched the movie, you must have noticed how she rejects or undermines every man who tries to court her. And if Poo shows any interest in a man, he feels like he is in seventh heaven for being chosen by her. This attitude towards dating is in fact very common among women. But why do women underestimate men who are interested in them? Or are they afraid that they might fall for the wrong guy?

Research conducted in 2011 among 96 men and 103 women undergraduates revealed that “Men looking for a quick hookup were more likely to overestimate the women's desire for them” Moreover, it also confirmed that women tend to underestimate male desires. As per a researcher, a reason behind this is short-term hook-ups. Men who are interested in short-term hook-ups are ones who overestimate women’s interest in them.

When I came across this research, I immediately recalled Poo’s dating attitude. But then, I also tried to understand the reason behind it. If we go by the research, men interested in short-term hook-ups are the ones who over-perceive women’s interests. So in that case, is it not natural for women to undermine such men’s interest in them? Is it not right for women to reject those men who are just looking for casual link-ups?

Women who reject men are not arrogant or choosy

I am not moralising long-term relationships but I am just going by what usually happens in our society. When a man is just interested in casual link-ups, often they end up exploiting women. On the other hand, women who are interested in short-term link-ups are constantly wary of social scrutiny. Aren’t women shamed for indulging in a relationship, especially the casual kind, before marriage? So is it not obvious that women will underestimate men who are interested in them for short-term relationships? Or in other words doubt men’s interest based on whether it is casual, will lead to exploitation or has a future?

I know you must be wondering that Poo’s attitude was completely different from the scenario I have projected here when it comes to women's dating life . But even if we consider Poo in our scenario, didn't she believe that just because of her beauty, she has the right to reject and shame common men’s interest in her? Doesn’t this point out that women’s beauty is considered an object that should be won or achieved by men? Doesn’t this show that a woman’s beauty is so precious that women too are proud of it and consider it their right to shame men? If the beauty of a woman is valued more than her achievements, it is natural for her to underestimate men who only value her for the way she looks.

Moreover, why should women be blamed if they are not interested in a man? Is it necessary that a woman must respond to a man’s romantic advances, even if she is not attracted to him? Don't women have the right to choose what or who they want. rather than settle for someone just because the person likes them?

Women might be perceived as rude for turning down every proposal that comes their way but we can't ignore the fact that dating culture is seldom in their favour. Rejection is a way for women to exercise their agency on their love life and also ensure their safety, in case they see any red flags. So dear women, don't be hard on yourselves for rejecting men. You have every right to preserve your interests.

Views expressed are the author's own. 

Suggested Reading: Dear Women, Let Us Build Each Other Up And Topple Patriarchy