Why My Friends Fall In 81% Of Indian Women Who Feel At Ease Not Being Married

I've always loved attending weddings. I love the preps, the flash mobs on the 90s music, the coming together of families, the food, and the works. However, as much as I love attending weddings, the idea of getting married doesn't excite me much. I'm not anti-marriage; there may be a day when I'm all decked up dancing to the wedding tune myself, but the overall atmosphere around marriage is sceptical for me and my friends, especially now that we're about to enter our 30s. A recent study supports the notion I'm tapping into as it reveals how a majority of women in India feel at ease with the idea of remaining unmarried.

The study, which analysed the choices of women with respect to dating and marriage, disclosed how 81 per cent of them said they don't mind staying unmarried, and would only get hitched when they find the right partner. Anyone reading this understands the kind of pressure women in India have to deal with regard to getting married at an "appropriate" age.

Why are Indian women staying single more at ease?

The survey had over 83 per cent of women share that they were totally at ease waiting for the right partner. Although they face pressure from their own family members, they're still comfortable taking their time to search for a stable match. 81 per cent of women revealed that while they were not anti-marriage, not getting married is something they are comfortable with and do not feel the pressure to tie the knot just for the sake of it.

The study surfaced the never-ending, yet important, conversation around how society tends to single-shame women during wedding season more often than not. The shaming not just leads to anxiety among women but develops unwanted pressure on them to either find a suitable match as soon as possible or just avoid attending functions and festivities altogether.

The question is, why do women need to adjust their ways just because the society around them is uncomfortable with them living life on their terms? Why are women still made to feel worthless if they roam around without the tag of being hitched by someone?

"Deeply romanticising the idea of relationships and marriage disregards the notion of singlehood, making it come across as an inadequate status."

Suggested reading: Dear Society, Respect Parents Who Don’t Control Their Daughter’s Marriage Timeline

Why are we still single-shaming women?

A 29-year-old friend, Shalini Bohra recently attended her younger brother's wedding in her hometown. "Must be some event," I told her, given that she was sure to grab eyeballs given the circumstance that a single woman nearing 30 was attending her younger brother's ceremony. Bohra, who is at ease with her single current status in life, tells SheThePeople, that she has made herself thick-skinned because that is the only way to survive in a society that constantly pushes you off the edge. "I have relatives who do make a comment or two, but I have stopped letting it get to me. There's no easy way to do this, but we need to block the noise to protect our sanity."

For Apoorva Joshi, attending weddings these days has become a pressure on not just her but her family too. "My younger cousin is set to get married in April and my mom was freaking out thinking what will people say when they see I haven't been 'rokafied' yet," Joshi tells SheThePeople, adding that it's not her mom's fault but the fear with which she has been subjected to that makes her say this. She continues, "My parents live in a close-knit society in a small town, the topic of someone's marriage usually pops up randomly every day, and my parents are fed up listening to how I may not get a good match as I turn older. The sheer audacity of people to comment every day is unbelievable."

"Marriage is not a bad thing, but to make it the only major event in a woman's life and value her based on her marital status is not just twisted but also illogical. It's one of the reasons why many women have started distancing themselves from the very idea of being married."

For a woman in her late 20s and early 30s to say that she is still exploring with respect to a ">suitable partner draws a significant amount of backlash and my close friends, the Gill sisters aged 30 and 33 respectively, vouch for that. Sahiba Gill, 33, who has heard her share of taunts from neighbours, relatives and even peers tells SheThePeople that she is least bothered to this day and age and just tunes out when she hears the word marriage. "It's not like I am anti-marriage, I have been looking for a partner but why are people after my life, telling me it's time up? What does time-up even mean; it's a matter of my life's, not a degree I need to have in three years or I'll lag behind which, by the way, also does not matter."

Arzoo Gill, on the other hand, from her sister how to deal with societal trolling. "I have been on dating apps and while I'd like to take my time, the pressure to find the one sometimes is boggling. The pressure naturally comes from not just families but the whole idea of we need to be married soon. It's unfortunate that even today we independent women are subjected to such standards like it's the only way to live," she shares.

I relate so much with my friends when it comes to the scrutiny they face around the topic of marriage. What I connect with more is the generic feeling of all the 81 per cent of women who are trying hard to stay put, unapologetically, unabashedly, in a society that constantly nags us to be a certain way and acclimates our worth looking at how single we are. Guess what, we don't care anymore. I'm gearing up for three significant weddings this season in my circuit, and I can’t wait to flaunt my singlehood and politely ignore statements like, “Shaadi Karne ka iraada kab hai? Ab too kaafi late ho gaya hai”

"Society obessed with the idea of people being married at the right age makes those who choose to stay single feel unseen and devalued."