10 Reasons Why Women Find It Difficult To Leave A Toxic Relationship

When discussing abusive and toxic relationships, I have heard many people say, "Why can't she just leave? If it were me, I would have walked away at the first sign of a red flag." As someone who has walked out of a toxic marriage, I can vouch that it is not easy to leave.

Thanks to our conditioning, it takes us ages to even realise that we are in a toxic relationship. Even if we do recognise the signs, there are various factors that hold us back from calling it quits. So, why do women stay in abusive or toxic relationships? Let’s explore.

10 reasons why women find it difficult to leave toxic relationships

Patriarchy

In patriarchal societies like ours, women are taught to do household chores, serve, tolerate, adjust, compromise, and nurture. Marriage is still seen as the life goal for women, and a single woman is stigmatised. Women, right from childhood are prepared to be the perfect wife, perfect mother, and perfect daughter-in-law.

Abuse is normalised

In many families, abuse and toxicity are part of everyday life. Parents are either abusive towards each other or they are abusive towards the children. Children who grew up in a toxic environment become adults who believe abuse is a normal part of relationships and often confuse abuse with love.

Suggested Reading: 5 Reasons Why You Should Step Away From A Toxic Relationship

Movies have glorified toxic relationships

One too many times, the film industry has completely misrepresented toxic relationships as love. From Arjun Reddy to Love Today, the male and female protagonists often get together without really addressing the toxicity in their relationships. And it is always the woman who adjusts, compromises, and sacrifices.

Financial dependency

According to the NFHS report, only 32% of married women are in the workforce. So that makes the majority of married women financially dependent on their husbands.

Lack of family support

In India, a divorced daughter is still not better than a dead daughter. Many families fail to support their daughters and only offer advice on how to make the relationship work. Without emotional support from family and friends, it is very difficult for women to leave a bad relationship.

Family commitments

Many women believe that children need a father. So, once women become mothers, they become tolerant of any abuse from their husbands. They just put up with everything and stay in the relationship for the sake of their children.

Social stigma

It’s not easy being a divorced woman or a single mother in our society. They are tabooed by their own family, at their workplace, at their children’s school, in their neighbourhood, and in the dating and matrimonial arena.

The cycle of abuse

Abusers have a pattern of following the cycle of abuse. They make it up to their partner during the honeymoon phase after every abusive incident. All the love bombing leads to women excusing their partners' abusive behaviour and believing that they have changed. The movie Ammu accurately depicts the manipulative ways of an abuser.

 The good-guy act

Abusers are excellent at showcasing themselves in a positive manner in society. To the world, they would be the "perfect husband" a woman could ever ask for. They unleash their monstrous side on the victim in secrecy. As a result, women often fear that if they open up about the abuse, they will not be believed or supported.

Manipulation and gaslighting

Over time, victims develop a trauma bond with their abuser, which they believe is love. Women believe that if they adjust more and behave differently, they will be able to stop the abuse. They justify the abuser’s behaviour and start blaming themselves. They strongly believe that they can fix their husband.

Regardless of how financially independent and professionally successful they are and how single-handedly they juggle work and parenting, women are branded as "failures" without a husband. If leading a normal life becomes difficult for women when they walk out of a relationship, how will they be motivated to leave?

Views expressed by author are their own