Dear Women, Let's Stop Feeling Guilty About These 50 Things. Like NOW.

Women feeling guilty: Can there be a list like that? A list of things women and only women should be guilty of doing? Please have mercy on yourself not go looking for things you should be guilty about.

Some of us have taken the patriarchal rulebook to our hearts and that is why we are guilty of steps taken for our benefit. Women should not do this, women should not do that is a hymn of yesteryears. The fight against patriarchy will go on but meanwhile, women must also learn to stop punishing themselves for anything and everything that happens to them. It is revealed in many studies and surveys that women are easily guilted as compared to men. Here is an example.

Whether we do well in our career, excel in education, buy an expensive item for ourselves, some of us always walk around with guilt weighing us down. The guilt of not being considerate of our families' unrealistic expectations, guilt of calling out sexist behaviour of a loved one, the guilt of "ruining lives" of abusers. The list of so many unsaid things is endless. Some women feel the guilt of being alive and there is nothing surprising about that especially in Indian societies where a girl is deemed a 'burden'.

Here is a not so exhaustive list of things that you should never feel guilty about:

1. Making work and career a priority
2. Making family and kids a priority
3. Being compassionate
4. Choosing yourself over others
5. Not following traditional customs at weddings
6. Dressing a certain way
7. Not being good at cooking and cleaning
8. Getting drunk too easily
9. Not wanting to have kids
10. Wanting to have kids
11. Eating before the male members of the family
12. Being outspoken about opinions
13. Feeling competitive against co-workers
14. Wanting to stay away from family members
15. Not wanting to marry
16. Feeling sexual desires
17. Wanting to get married to a man or a woman
18. Being angry against people who do not take your case of caste, class and gender identity into consideration
19. Expressing anger
20. Earning a living and not being financially dependent on people
21. Choosing to be a homemaker
22. Marrying outside one's community
23. Falling in love with a younger individual
24. Making more money than one's partner
25. Wanting to hang out with friends late at night
26. For liking their bodies
27. Asking for leave during periods
28. For choosing to have pre-marital sex
29. For not putting sindoor after marriage
30. For being a woman with big boobs
31. For having small boobs
32. For being friendly with men
33. For being drunk when they face sexual assault
34. For not being religious
35. For loving make-up
36. For not being able to do make-up
37. Asking for help
38. For not wanting to date people
39. For being in multiple consensual sexual relationships
40. For being crazy about a man
41. For breaking up with an emotionally unavailable partner
42. For being attracted to both men and women
43. For choosing to be in live-in relationships
44. Working hard for a job and putting everything else aside
45. For not always liking their kids
46. For someone who enjoys food
47. For taking of their bodies by going to work out in public
48. For not wanting to lose weight
49. For catering to their own emotional needs
50. For being alive

Suggested Reading:

Dear Women, Premarital Sex Isn’t A Mistake. Get Over The Guilt

Are Women Bigger People Pleasers Than Men?

Six Sexist Expectations That Desi Moms Have From Their Daughters

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