Five Things You Shouldn't Say To A Woman Observing Karwa Chauth Fast

Women fasting on Karwa Chauth has long held contentious status within and beyond feminist circles. Is it a festival that perpetuates gender inequality? Or is it an occasion for women to reclaim agency over the choices they make? Both arguments seem to lie on polar ends with no midway answer. What's tricky is that there is immense credibility to each of those rationalisations.

On Karwa Chauth, the wife abstains from food and water for a full day in a bid to affirm the safety and long life of her husband. There is zero doubt about the patriarchal foundations of this age-old custom that reinforces a woman's position as the sacrificial partner disproportionately invested in the health of a man at the cost of her own.

Of course, for a large part of the population, the day still carries relevance for how it puts men on a pedestal that women should stand below and tend to. But for many women today, the idea of (if not behind) Karwa Chauth is reforming. Where several don't attach too much gravity to the festival, choosing to view it as a day of harmless fasting, for some others it remains an occasion to dress up, celebrate life and revel in shared sisterhood experiences.

Appreciating, or simply just accepting, this syncretism then is a road to walk on.

Since feminism is all about celebrating women and their right to live as they choose, if you believe in equality then you ought to refrain from berating a woman for having a rosy view of an occasion that you may find regressive. As women, we have to stand by our sisterhood, despite varying opinions and choices.

So here are five things you should never say to a woman observing Karwa Chauth:

1. This is not love 

It's an oft-repeated cliche but love does come in many forms, each more different than the last. Is it then fair to expect all women to subscribe to a singular expression of spousal affection? True, staking your well-being for another to prove something barely seems wise. But what if, helped along by a willing inclination to uphold a family custom and a choice of extending a gesture that individualistically seems meaningful, a woman wants to fast on Karwa Chauth? Would it be fair to prescribe to her what love should and shouldn't be for her?

2. You are being regressive 

Frontal attacks in gender-sensitive discourse hardly work. Against the context of Karwa Chauth's problematic origins that have sustained well into the 21st century, the best course of action seems to educate women on the traditions they are subscribing to. There should ideally be no pressure on either spouse to starve themselves and this underlining idea must be dispersed liberally. Neither the husband nor the family should impose the fast on you.

If the fast is being observed out of personal choice alone, then does that remain regressive or a powerful display of agency?

3. If he's not fasting with you, your fast is pointless

It is empowering to hear of couples who fast together on Karwa Chauth, the belief being, that the festival no longer remains the domain of only a single partner expressing their investment. With your ride or die, you ride and die. In the event that the husband does not or cannot fast, would it discount the value of the efforts or feeling the wife puts into marking the day? Does that not take away from the conviction or faith of women who anchor some significance of the day in their identities?

4. You are submitting to patriarchy 

This is an interesting and important opinion. The complexity of it is presented not just with regard to Karwa Chauth but in several other things women do. Homemakers and working women often keep busy in the kitchens. Many women find pleasure in caring for their families. Taking a double-check from their husbands on their own decisions is something a lot of women still prefer. Does that divest them of identity? Can we deem it as a submission to patriarchy?

Unfortunately, most religious traditions across the board have germinated from gender unequal ideologies. While balancing it back will take a while, the way to get there perhaps is through salving the disparity by celebrating disputed festivals the way you personally choose to.

5. Why are you not more dressed up? 

There is no one way to dress up on Karwa Chauth, despite what society would like women to believe. Families and neighbourhoods expect to see a cohort of women dressed in gold and red, not unlike brides &t=8s">newly married, with perfectly set makeup. Far be it for beauty standards to take a back seat even on the day that women have subjected themselves to day-long hunger. The pressure is relentless. But it's your day - you decide what to wear, how to celebrate and what you want it all to mean, in your own way.

Views expressed are the author's own. 

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