What Do Women Get For Expressing Sexual Desire: Shaming And Unwanted Advances

Expressing sexual desire doesn't come easily to women in India. It has been a long, tiring journey for us women to even acknowledge the existence of these desires in the first place. Then came the conflict about whether we have the right to feel this way or not. Gradually, women have realised that it is completely normal to have sexual needs, and there is nothing wrong to seek fulfilment of these needs. But what happens when women express these desires in front of others? When women demand sexual pleasure from their partners? That's when most of us are hit by another harsh reality- our sexual desires still scandalise society.

Women are often wary of expressing sexual desire, even in confined spaces of their bedrooms or WhatsApp chats. A part of this inhibition comes from our condition, which makes us see our desires as dirty. A good woman isn't supposed to think of sex, let alone talk about it to anyone, even her partner. We also worry about how we will be perceived by people who are at the receiving end of such conversations.

It is sad that women can't even confide in their partners or close friends and that shows how stigmas and stereotypes manage to override mutual trust even in the most intimate of relationships.

But is this fear unreasonable? Hardly. We live in a country where wearing a short skirt, makeup or even smiling at a guy is taken to be a licence to harass a woman, because clearly, she was asking for it. So you can only imagine what must follow when a woman actually asks for it. She is labelled a slut, her consent is taken for granted, and her character is scrutinised.

Women themselves are guilty of policing and slut-shaming other women, because our patriarchal conditioning has groomed us to always blame the woman, but never the male gaze. So a sexually expressive woman is seen as a potential homewrecker, someone you need to protect your husband from. However, men leering at her are seen as innocent lambs, who can get away with a lack of morality and even predatory behaviour. Boys will be boys, but women must be pious.

Even in marriages, women often keep their desires under lock and key for the fear of being judged by their partners. But does it bode well for a relationship, when one partner feels uncomfortable to express their deepest of desires?

There are many brave women who openly speak about &t=45s">sexuality and sex. Actor Swara Bhasker enacted a masturbation scene in the film Veere Di Wedding, for which she gets trolled even today. However, we can't stop pushing the boundaries of social comfort, if we want to reclaim our desires and sexual wellness. So where do we start?

Perhaps in our bedrooms, or in our chats, by asking our partners whether we can trust them with our most intimate thoughts and demand something that one can only ask from a person whom they trust and feel comfortable with.

Views expressed are the author's own.

Suggested Reading:

Casual Sex: 8 Essentials No One Tells You But You Should Know

Extramarital Affairs: Can Happiness Lie In Escape?

We Could All Live The Life We Desire Only After We Figure Out What We Want