"I Don't Want To Go Home"- Why Do So Many Women Feel This Way

Almost every woman in her daily life might have at least felt once like not going back home as the clock marches to curfew time, the heart throbbing starts. Most women live dual lives, one at home and one outside - the world that women are creating for themselves. The struggle exists there too, but there is a moment of joy and freedom as a woman gets to make her decision-good or poor-without any restrictions. This little space in the world feels like a happy place, which no woman would like to leave, a place that has no rules, curfews, and torture or trauma. 

Feeling like not going home is extremely valid and could be subjective. For some, it may be about mobility. For few could be dysfunctional or orthodox families and all the toxicity that comes with it. Whatever the reason may be, it leaves an adverse impact on women. Gender allows more suppression of feelings, limitation to express what's going on inside, and at the same time, doing things out of compulsion, which one doesn't want to do. Men can go out and stay till late. What about women? What can women do when most of the family drama begins at night? Where can she go with all the curfews and restrictions? 

Women And Curfew Timings

For many women, socialising or working at the workplace could act as an escape plan. For Aishwarya Sharma, a Third Year B.Com Student and an intern at a finance firm, meeting friends and talking to them help her find solace amidst all the problems. While speaking to SheThePeople, she stated, "It feels lonely when you don't have anyone to share with. Between all the nagging, fights, and arguments at home, socialising works. It gives me momentary time to forget the dark life I live. So, I like to stay out till late. The home must make you feel safe. If it is not, then why will I feel like going back? Sometimes I thought of running away from home, but what will I do after running? This thought stops me, and now I got used to all restrictions." 

Aishwarya Sharma, since her teenage had curfew times of 7 pm. She claims most of the restrictions come from the caste\ community she comes from, which has influenced her life. For a second, her father gets supportive, but her brothers are not. Even if she tries to call out on her brother, she is asked to keep quiet, citing other girls from the community also follow the same rules. 

Like Sharma, there are myriads of girls who are controlled and restricted. Everything has reasoning, which is internalised by women too. Sharma does everything for her father's sake, and he should not be disappointed, despite knowing everything the family asks for is discriminative. However, Sharma's way out of this is to get a job and get independent. 

Financial Independence Can Help Escape Restrictions At Home

Financial independence usually is for having a comfortable lifestyle but for a woman. It is a mode of confiscating freedom. Moreover, it is about creating a little space outside the home where one can express and shine without pressure. This little shine makes women feel not wanting to go home. 

Rutuja Naik, a commerce student and aspiring beautician, said, "My only way out of this is financial independence. Once I start earning. I won't have to return home, which is a nightmare sometimes. Being in your early 20s with no money is the worst. You have to listen to everyone. My brother and I hardly have a year difference, but he takes decisions for me. At times it is frustrating."

Naik's brother has a constant watch on her. Even speaking to a boy becomes the most significant issue, as Naik recalls. "With all negativity, who would like to go home? I never had a boyfriend, yet they are sceptical and why they are because a girl can fall into a trap easily and all the safety rules. I think being a girl is being brainless, at least others think", adds Naik.

Not wanting to go home is not just about freedom or socialising. It is also about stopping all the tolerance and working on mental health and trauma, which led it to that zone in the first place. Kiran Kumar has been navigating a way to deal with her traumas and not wanting to go home status quo. Twenty-eight-year-old Kumar is a Finance professional.

"It was never easy to attend financial independence, and it is still not though I am Independent. I never went out unless it was for college, tuition, or family functions. I was always convinced I was uncomfortable going out, but it was always family. It was the fear of constant 'No' that I would get for seeking permission," said Kiran Kumar.  

Kumar spent most of her early 20s at home, as she recalls. It is now that she goes out with friends and has late-night work shifts. But there is hesitation if she comes late from work. According to her, if the clock passes the deadlines, the anxiety starts kicking in. Sometimes this happens to her during work, also. Kumar has this early 20 fear, yet in her mind and doesn't feel like going home. For the same reasons, she took up the night shift in her office. For the past year, she is working in 3 to 12 pm shift. Kumar still feels the trauma she has gone through with all gender-wise social conditioning, safety notions, and guilt from breaking the rules. 

Not wanting to go home comes from the restrictions put on women. Restrictions that will ensure the security and safety of a woman. But lesser is known that this is control and over-protection. One needs to ask did restrictions and curfews brought any positive change. Did it ensure the security of women? Did it change the problematic mindset of patriarchy and toxic masculinity? The answer seems vague, but it did sow the seeds of resentment towards the dear ones. Not wanting to come home is time a phase. It stays somewhere in mind. It does influence how we think, what we do, and how we deal with people. Also, women cannot find a solution to this feeling if they are financially strong, and when they become, it hardly matters, but it always stays in the form of trauma. 

The views expressed are the author's own.

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