Why Is It Always A Woman’s Career That Has To Take The Backseat?

My former boss narrated an incident to us. She said when she was made editor-in-chief of a group of magazine her colleagues congratulated her and then asked about her spouse's work and what her sons were doing. Further they enquired about how she will manage now that she'll have to devote extra time at the workplace, etc.? She said she was sure nobody asked a man who had been recently promoted about his wife and kids. In fact, they will bring out the qualities that man has that got him the promotion, and there's no question of anyone asking him how he will manage his time between work and home. 

So, why can't a woman be congratulated only for her professional achievements without a reference to her family or personal life?

A case in point, some time back, actor Rashmika Mandanna broke her silence on rumours about her personal life and conjectured that she was dating Vijay Deverakonda at a popular celebrity chat show. While she didn't mind people digging into the speculated bits about her life, she didn't want them to believe it. "Sometimes, I am like 'Arrey yaar, I am doing five films a year, but you are still coming and asking me, 'Who are you dating? What is your personal life?' But I understand that we are actors, and the light is on us, with people wanting to know more about you," she says.

Woman and Career

Good that Mandanna cleared the air regarding her personal life. However, I am focused on the second part of her comment, where she says she's doing five films a year, yet people are only curious about who she is dating. Yes, this is a vital question. Why isn't a woman's achievement or career progression a matter of pride and discussion? Why is her worth measured by the man she is with? Will the same question be asked of a male actor? I wonder.

Somehow we have accepted that a man is complete in himself, but a woman cannot be complete without a man or her family. Women are always told, 'Okay, you've achieved your goal, you've got that job you worked so hard for, and now when will you get married?' 'Okay, now you're married. Can't you keep your career on hold and have a baby? Shouldn't you be thinking about bringing in an heir? That's more important.' Again no man will be expected to follow these diktats. But I am sure many women will agree with this.

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5 Indian Women Speak About Being The Only Girl Child In The Family

A friend whose daughter is working with one of the top luxury brands in Milan says everyone around her is asking when her daughter will "settle down". On the other hand, the daughter says she will not marry to please anybody but will let things happen organically. Her career comes first, and whoever she marries, if she marries, has to respect her professional commitments. The most important part of this mother-daughter conversation was the daughter saying, "Why do I need a man in my life." Do we as a society have an answer for this?

Isn't economic dependency the primary reason women leave every dream behind and marry and have kids, run a household, live their lives under the shadow of their husbands, and families continue to live in abusive relationships? So, it's understandable that young women like Mandanna who are economically independent, live life in their terms, are breaking stereotypes and will be asked questions on expected lines.       

But the bottom line is women need to break moulds, shatter stereotypes and take a path that keeps intact her self-respect, economic independence and happiness. A woman can fulfil her responsibilities and achieve her dreams if we let her soar and have her back when she needs it. And not say she cannot put a step forward without a man or family. Yes, a woman can decide to be in a relationship if she's ready, not because society says so. And she can manage work-life balance if society lets her.

The views expressed are the author's own.