Women Masturbate Because They Enjoy It, Not Because They Are Lonely

What strikes your mind when you hear about women using sex toys? She is characterless, or too desperate for sex? But did it ever occur to you that using sex toys and self-pleasure is a woman’s need and right? Did you ever try to fit self-pleasure or masturbation into the definition of a woman’s sexual preferences?

I am sure many of you haven’t because women are not given the freedom to have fun on their own. But let us see this from a different perspective- a woman using sex toys, masturbating, and having fun on her own doesn’t signify that she is lonely. Or that she desperately needs a partner in life. It is just that she enjoys pleasuring herself.

According to a survey, nearly half of adult women use sex toys or have used them in the past. Especially women in relationships are more likely to use sex toys as per the report by sex therapist Laura Berman. Moreover recently, a study on masturbation frequency of men and women revealed that women see masturbation as a way to enhance their sexual experience in partnered sex but men masturbate only to compensate for the absence of partnered sex. In other words, women see masturbation as something which increases their sexual pleasure while men only see it as an alternative to not having a partner.

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These findings are proof of the fact that for women, self-pleasure and partnered sex are two entirely different experiences. Masturbation helps women understand their bodies closely and find out how and what gives them orgasms. But this doesn’t mean that a woman masturbates only because she is desperate for sex. If that would be the case then women involved in partnered sex or relationships wouldn’t have used sex toys or masturbation. If sex is all that can satisfy the urge to masturbate, then women wouldn’t need self-pleasure because according to another study women are also more likely to have multiple sex partners than men.

Despite these studies, society often looks down on women when they seek self-pleasuring. It specially targets single women, calling them lonely, promiscuous or desperate for sex just because they masturbate or use sex toys. Why is it so difficult for our society to imagine that single women can have a fulfilling sex life, despite not having a sexual partner? How long will it take for society to understand that self-pleasure is different from partnered sex?

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Slut shaming women for masturbating comes from the idea that women cannot experience sexual pleasure without involving a man. It is assumed that women’s bodies are sex objects meant to be used and explored by men to fulfil their own sexual desires, not women themselves. This is the reason why many women do not know how to perform masturbation or hesitate in talking about it.

Women are made to believe that masturbating is immoral and that they need to ‘preserve’ themselves for their husbands to seek sexual pleasure. This leads to feeling of guilt when women explore masturbation.

But dear women, you know very well that this is not right. When men have the freedom to masturbate in the absence of a sexual partner then why not women? Why must women wait for a prince charming to have an orgasm? If a woman is single, does it mean she has no right to orgasm? Isn’t this argument just a threat to women to never be single in society? And even if a woman is in a committed relationship, why must masturbation be seen as absence sexual satisfaction from her partner?

Desperation for sex and masturbation are not always related. Masturbation doesn’t have the sole aim of satisfying women with orgasm but it plays multiple roles in a woman’s life, irrespective of her relationship status. Moreover, if a single woman would need a sexual partner, she might as well find it rather than depend on masturbation for sexual pleasure. It is all a matter of perspective.

Views expressed are the author's own.