Why Do Husbands Insult Their Wives In Front Of Their Families?

I had a friend who had gotten married much earlier than I, she was a close friend and so I kept meeting her on and off as she was based in the same city as I was.

Whenever she invited me to her house, I was reluctant as she lived in a joint family and also I saw how her husband used to make fun of her and even insult her in front of his family and me. I kept wondering what could be the reason behind this behaviour. Here are some reasons.

Blame it on some snide remarks like ‘Joru ka gulam’ or hen-pecked husband. Once a man marries, he almost always is accused of changing overnight. Especially his family and friends. So, to prove that he has not changed or doesn’t side with his wife he tries to bring down his wife in front of his family and friends. 

Why Husbands Insult Their Wives

It’s a family thing

Kids sometimes adopt their parents' behaviours as the norm. Children, especially boys, believe it is alright to act in the same way as their father who has been disparaging their mother and other family members in an effort to look better in front of others.

To show he’s in control

Men have been taught that they’re the dominant species and so when women in the form of his wife come into the picture, he will try every tactic to prove that he’s in control. Many will agree that his insecurity regarding his position in the family makes him insult his wife. Women don't have to put up with this. Being the husband, he’s the one person who's supposed to have your back, yes, even stand beside his wife before his family.  

A false sense of superiority

Men in our society tend to be entitled, therefore if he is married to a career woman who is well educated and makes as much as him, he would attack her for trivial reasons in front of everyone in order to demonstrate his superiority. Trying to convey the idea that despite having the same education and income as me, she is nevertheless inferior to me. Husbands act in this way to boost their egos and feel important and smarter, and dysfunctional families fuel this ego.

Because women let them

Women have been taught since the time they reach puberty that they will get married one day and they have to obey and bear whatever is meted out to them in their in-laws' place. Bad behaviour included. Women rarely are taught to love themselves enough to draw boundaries around what is acceptable and what isn't. And being degraded in front of people is a pretty boundary-stepped issue. 

He has no respect for his wife

This is something women need to realise. Such a man does not respect his wife for sure. A respectful husband will always stand by his wife no matter what, will consider her his equal, and will always take joint decisions. Husbands who respect their wives will try and put up a joint front and consider their wives their partners in the real sense.

It can be due to suppressed contempt

Sometimes men may hold contempt and anger against their spouses and insulting them publicly, especially in front of their family is one way of showing this. It may be useful to talk to him and find out what the reason for his behaviour is.   

He could be a narcissist

These husbands could be narcissists. You have a narcissistic control freak who will obliterate you from the inside out and will destroy all that makes you, you, if they taunt you, refuse to acknowledge their errors, claim you aren't giving (for them), and say you'll never change (as if they would ever change for you). Tell them, if you have to, that you've made the decision to give up their power over you so that you may be yourself—not their puppet.

Suggested Reading: Dear Men, Your Wife Is First Your Life Partner, Then Your Parents’ Bahu

Women need to realise that they did not marry to be insulted but to be loved and cherished. And for that realisation to come, they need to understand that they have to respect themselves first before expecting the same from others. Women need to draw boundaries to protect their self-respect. If a husband doesn’t respect his wife then no use expecting the same from others. Women need to stand up for themselves for no one else will.  

The views expressed are the author's own.