Why Do Women Feel Stuck In A Perfectionism Trap?

Perfectionism in women: Women are bent towards perfection. They try to reach the beauty standards the society has set for them every day. Besides dressing up "appealingly" and doing their makeup perfectly, they also have to "watch their words" when they speak.

They try hard to behave in a way the society wants us to and make sure that there's no room for complains. The constant fear of "not being good enough" and trying to please everyone around results in what we may call the "perfectionism syndrome".

Perfectionism in women starts from an early age

Coming from an all-girls convent school, I know the extreme burden placed on women to be "lady-like". Though I spent the best days of my life at my school, I know how strict it was regarding discipline. This restricted the students from being their natural selves. When in school, they assumed a restricted personality with limited freedom of expression. Internalising it year after year ultimately turned them into "perfect" women who obey their elders without raising a question. Should it be acceptable for any educational institute to produce meek and silent women instead of strong and independent ones?

As students grow up, the pressure to be perfect increases. They try maintaining a healthy diet to not put on extra weight, dress up as per the expectations of the society and even excel at academics. Once women enter the workforce, they attempt to excel at their career while managing the household responsibilities. However, the struggle doesn't end here. The social construct wants women to look attractive and act demure even at their workplace. This is what they have been following over the years despite being affected adversely by it.

Consequences of perfectionism

We tend to be extremely vigilant while maintaining the "perfectionist image" on all fronts. There's a compulsive urge within us to not offend our superiors and remain in their good books. The perfectionist syndrome can have dangerous consequences such as depression, anxiety, moodiness, exhaustion, guilt etc. It can further lead to troubled interpersonal relationships, decreased productivity, impaired health and low self-esteem.  The stress resulting from the trials to be flawless can in fact turn things against us. The perfectionist behaviour can have the exact opposite effects of what we intended and can make us obsessive, frustrated, impatient and lonely.

Let's address the problem of perfectionism in women

In her 2012 article, Why Women Should Stop Trying To Be Perfect, Debora Spar, Senior Associate Dean of Harvard Business School Online said that many of the problems that plague women come from the media, society, biology, and our unrealistic expectations. For addressing them, we must go beyond policy solutions and anger with patriarchy. Instead, we must forge partnerships with those around us and start to dismantle the myth of solitary perfection.

Spar added that if women are able to solve their problems, they need to understand that it can be done better with the help of men. This is not because they are inefficient. It's simply because they account for only 50 percent of the population. This is far less than 50 percent of the decision-making seats in any organisation. Therefore, if women want to change the world, they need to involve men as well and work equally.