Accepting A Wife’s Influence Is A Sign Of An Emotionally Intelligent Man

How many newlywed husbands will say their wives are a “great influence” and are “wise and intelligent” too? Not many of that I am sure. But Vicky Kaushal in a recent interview with a magazine, mentioned how he is fortunate to find a life partner in Katrina Kaif.

Kaushal called his wife ‘wise and intelligent’ and further added that he learns a lot from his wife. “Katrina is a great influence in every aspect of my life. I’m very fortunate to have found a life partner in her because she’s an extremely wise, intelligent and compassionate person. I learn a lot from her every single day.” Both the stars had tied the knot in December 2021.

Vicky Kaushal On Katrina Kaif: Why accepting wife’s influence is a winner

The Japanese martial art of Aikido follows the central principle called ‘Yield to Win’. It is a method of using your opponent’s energy and actions against them to win a fight, rather than strong-arming them into submission. It lets you to conserve your energy and helps to choose much more effective and efficient strategies.

But I definitely do not want husbands to use Aikido moves on their wives. For an intimate and personal relationship as a marriage yielding to win will mean accepting, understanding, and allowing your partner’s perspective, feelings, and needs into your decision-making process as a couple. It also means really listening to your partner and forming compromises so that you both feel satisfied.

Accepting influence doesn’t mean hen pecked

We all know that a marriage can really survive moments of anger, complaints, or criticism and even some longer periods of negativity if a conflict is managed in a healthy and respectful way. On the other hand a relationship can even flourish because conflict provides an opportunity for growth as a couple. But couples get into trouble when they match negativity with negativity instead of taking the path of repair to de-escalate the conflict. Couples should remember, counterattacking during an argument does not solve an issue or help to form a compromise. It stops your partner’s influence in the decision-making process.

One research shows that 65% of men increase negativity during an argument. And the four points that men use during arguments—criticism, defensiveness, contempt, stonewalling—are all signs that a man is resisting his wife’s influence.

Men and women show different ways of experiencing conflict. Men, are more prone to stonewalling, meaning they will delay or obstruct (a request, process, or person) by refusing to answer questions or by being evasive.

 It takes two to make a marriage work and it is vital for couples to honour and respect central principle of their relationships and surprise of surprise most wives, even in unhappy marriages, already follow this.

Women do get angry and even become contemptuous of their husbands but it also means that women tend to let their husbands influence their decision making by taking their opinions and feelings into account. But, unfortunately, men often do not return the favour.

If heterosexual men in relationships don’t accept their partner’s influence, there is an 81% chance that a marriage will self-implode. This is why what Vicky Kaushal said of wife Katrina Kaif is vital.

What husbands can learn from their wives

No men are not from Mars and women from Venus, they are both from Earth. But, let’s acknowledge that they both feel differently from each other.

For example during childhood, games that boys play teach them to win. Even if a team member gets injured he gets ignored and removed from the game, he will be asked to step back or get replaced. But the game/sport goes on. On the other hand girlish games prepare girls far better for marriage and family life because they focus on relationships. Don’t get me wrong it isn’t about gender roles, but about learning emotional intelligence.

Let’s just say women are far better prepared to take on relationship challenges. And if a husband acknowledges that then he is an emotionally intelligent being.

Why men reject their wives influence

A husband who lacks emotional intelligence rejects his partner’s influence because he fears a loss of power. Period.

And so when he’s unwilling to accept influence, he will not be influential either, and that dynamic will result in dead-end in a relationship.

Similarly if an emotionally intelligent husband is interested in his partner’s emotions it means he honours and respects her. At the same time the husband may not express his emotions in the same way his wife does, but he will learn how to better connect with her by listening to and validating her perspective. He will understand her needs, and express empathy. The man will pick “us” over “I,” which shows solidarity with his wife. And this is what a marriage is all about isn’t it?

Here’s how men can accept influence

Let’s give it to men; in most cases it’s most likely that men who resist their wives influence do so without realising it. But now it’s time to learn how to accept influence. It is both a mind-set and a skill cultivated by paying attention to your partner every day and supporting them. This means working on all things essential for a relationship to flourish like expressing your fondness and admiration, accepting attempts for connection and building your own personal love expressions.

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And when an argument happens, the key is to listen to your spouse’s point of view, to let them know that you understand them, to ask them what they want, and to be willing to compromise and find a common ground.

The views expressed are the author's own.