Being An Indian Girl Could Be Exhausting, Know How

Most Indian women have two personalities, each leading different lives. One that society gave them, and one the one they truly have.

Her first personality is the one taught by her family- the one of the perfect sanskaari Indian girl. The perfect good sanskaari girl who doesn’t go out at night without a male companion; the good sanskaari girl who’s fully focused on her education (however, my grades clearly show otherwise); the good girl who only has that only one other good sanskaari female best friend. The good sanskaari virgin girl who’s repulsed by the idea of having boyfriends; the good sanskaari girl who is very obedient, never says no, always apologises or uses any abusive language and is as meek as a sheep, the good sanskaari girl whose entire world is her family, and perhaps that only one sanskaari female best friend she’s allowed to have.

Sanskaari Indian Girl Can Get Messed Up

Her second personality is her true authentic self. She stays out past sunset, she goes to parties and clubs and pubs with that one best friend, who just like her, has 2 personalities. She like to date, explore her sexuality, fight, argue, exercise her right to say ‘no’, and basically be everything she wants to be without having to owe anyone an explanation, or having to ask anyone for permission.

However, there is a downside of having 2 personalities. No matter how careful you are, no matter how many precautions you take, you begin to get confused and mingle the roles of these personalities. And for the Indian girl, this can be fatal.

If your family catches even a whiff of your true second personality, there will be consequences. Maybe your mother will see that one text on your phone she’s not supposed to, or a known “well-wisher” will catch you on a date. This, being a gross violation of the freedom that your family “gave” you, will be taken away immediately. You will be locked up, have your already very limited space breached even more, get completely ostracized from society, and perhaps even get married off.

But your first personality seeping into your second can be equally dangerous sometimes. Perhaps, you are at a house party at midnight while you are supposed to be with that one best friend of yours. At the party, you get uncomfortable somehow and really, really want to go home, but you can’t. You can’t go home this late at night, so you stay, despite being uncomfortable throughout. Perhaps, while making out with someone, you suddenly realise you don’t want to, but can’t say “no” just because you don’t know how to, then one by one you keep doing things you don’t want to just because you’re taught to shut up and be obedient. After all, the perfect sanskaari girl is very agreeable.

After a point, keeping up with the two personalities becomes difficult. You slowly begin getting confused between the two, and, you wish so bad you didn’t need to have two personalities. But this is the reality for most Indian women. The need for having two personalities would not have arisen in the first place if the second one was accepted.

See, what we need to realise, is that the first personality is a hoax. The first personality only perpetuates the stereotype that women are perfect. This perhaps is the biggest downside. If the aspects of the second personality were accepted, there would be no need to keep them separate in the first place. Raising young girls to become so perfect is not upbringing, it is grooming them for a being okay with abuse.

Views expressed are the author's own.

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