Ram Charan's Wife Upasana Kamineni On Motherhood: Isn't It A Choice And Not An Obligation?

Actor Ram Charan’s wife and entrepreneur Upasana Kamineni said that she and her husband are happy that they decided to have a baby when they were completely ready and didn’t succumb to social pressure to become parents. The couple has been married since 2012 and is now expecting their first child.

Speaking to the Humans of Bombay, Upasana Kamineni expressed her excitement at being pregnant with her first child. She feels proud that the decision was solely their own and not influenced by anyone else. She said that she and her husband decided to have a child as they were "booming" and "financially secure" to start a family.

Upasana Kamineni On Motherhood

"We have decided to become parents a decade after our marriage, as we believe we can take care of our children by ourselves. It was a mutual decision," said Kamineni. "We both didn’t let the pressure from society or family hit us. This says a lot about our relationship and how we are going to raise our child," added the vice chairperson of CSR at Apollo Hospitals.

Now, how many women in our society can have this kind of agency over their lives? Would an average middle-class woman who is educated and employed be able to make such a decision? How many women will be determined and resolute like Upasana? How many husbands would respect and support their wife’s choice like Ram Charan?

In our patriarchal society, a woman’s purpose is to get married and make babies. Regardless of how highly educated she is, how heavy her paycheck is, or how many accolades she holds, society disregards it all if she "chooses" to be childfree.

Society has a timeline for everything—a woman should get married by 25–30 years of age. The very next year, she is supposed to be posing for her first anniversary with a baby bump. If not, society and her family begin taunting her, pushing her to the point of feeling worthless. Society takes women’s bodies for granted. It’s as though women have no autonomy over their bodies.

A song from the Tamil film New (2004) has lyrics which go "Thaayaana pinbu than nee penmani" which literally translates to "You become a complete woman after motherhood." This song is a cliché example of how internalised patriarchy defines womanhood. Motherhood doesn’t define womanhood; it is only a part of it.

In ancient times, when women were confined inside the house and completely dependent on their husbands for survival, all they did was have children and take care of the family. However, with changing times, the notion that motherhood completes women needs to change. Both men and women need to understand that motherhood is a choice, not a necessity. If a woman wants to devote her life to her children, it should be a choice that she makes out of her own free will and not something that is imposed on her.

Motherhood is a huge responsibility, and it takes a toll on a woman’s physical and emotional health. It’s the woman who is going to carry the child, give birth, and play the role of the primary caretaker; only she is entitled to decide if and when she wants to have a baby. It is the responsibility of a husband to understand, respect, and support her decision.

A couple can definitely get through social taunts if they have made a mutual decision about if and when they want to have children. The couple needs to be financially secure to be able to raise another human being. The mother should be self-sufficient just in case things go south.

Also, only a happy and healthy mother can give birth to a happy and healthy baby. If motherhood is forced on a woman, how will she or the child inside her be happy? How is it fair for both the mother and the child to shatter a woman's dreams and force her into motherhood? When is society going to understand that and let a woman decide if and when she wants to become a mother? We don’t have to be celebrities or rich to exercise bodily autonomy and agency over our lives. If the couple is strong in their decision, no social pressure can knock them down.

Suggested Reading: Motherhood is a choice, empower women to take sound decisions says Gul Panag