Why Can't Women Marry Unemployed Men?

Many times men have asked me if I will ever agree as a woman to marry an unemployed man. Their question is always rhetoric because they never imagine the existence of women who would choose an unemployed person as a life partner. But I could never wrap my head around the rhetoric.

The only question that rises in my mind is that if men can marry unemployed women, then why not women?

In our society, it is a rule that women marry a man for financial and social security. The vice versa happens only when men put their self-respect at stake. But why should marriage be ever about who earns and who doesn’t? Or who submits and who dominates? Why can’t marriages be about companionship in which couples help each other in balancing life inside and outside the home?

Unemployed Men

Society is unfair not only to women but to men too. It assumes that every man should be capable enough to earn a fortune and provide a luxurious life for his wife and family. A man who fails at it is criticised for not being good enough or being irresponsible. This mindset of society clearly shows that it measures man’s worth in terms of the zeroes in their salaries. It objectifies men. But does society even know how this pressure impacts men?

According to research conducted by HR and wellbeing firm The7thFold, 47 per cent of unemployed men suffer from anxiety during the pandemic. Moreover, 61 per cent and 42 per cent of them reported feeling stressed and angry respectively. The stress of the 60 per cent of unemployed men was about uncertainty about the future while 61 per cent worried about career growth.

If a woman earns or earns more than the man she loves, she can be the financial anchor that society always expects men to be. She can help the man find a job, be financially supported and be supported in general if they don’t want to do a job. Yes, men too should have the freedom to not work as a full-timer behind the desk. They too should have the freedom to decide what they want in future should depend on the individual’s choice, not their gender. It is because of the strict gender roles that finances are always related to men while women are expected to take care of the house.

However, if you are marrying a stay-at-home husband, just remember that the husband must be an equal partner in marriage. Unlike the cases in which a man just feeds on the earnings of his wife, he should contribute to managing the housework, taking care of his wife's finances whenever needed and doing other duties like parenting, budget managing and more. A &t=3s" target="_blank" rel="noopener">marriage is a companionship of managing two sides - home and office. It is not that a homemaker doesn’t have a job. Housework, parenting and caregiving are equally important jobs as are full-time desk jobs. 

It is often the case that if one person is earning, they become egoistic and hurts the other partner. The earning person makes the non-earning partner believe as if they are a burden and incapable of anything. Sometimes, ego problems arise without the involvement of the partners. Society and its taunts are enough to create a rift between partners based on employment status.

The only solution to this is that in marriage, both finances and housework should be given equal importance. There is no such thing as unemployment in marriage. If a partner earns outside the house, the other partner works to run the household. 

A woman can marry an unemployed man who can do the household chores. It takes two to make a marriage work. So, next time when someone asks you if you will marry an unemployed man, just say why not? He may not be making money but he is not jobless.

The views expressed are the author's own.