How Toxic Childhood Experiences Affect Adulthood Relationships Of Women

Women often fall for toxic love in the name of passion which replicates the kind of love they grew up with in their homes and what is shown in films. Parents often don't realise the impact of childhood experiences on a woman's relationships as an adult, but this needs to change.

In Indian households, talking about one's mental health is not very common, especially among the older generation who think that terms like anxiety, depression and stress are just fancy excuses for being lazy and weak. The awareness about mental health not only creates a healthy environment in families but also makes the members bond better and survive crises more responsibly. Crying and showing vulnerability are seen as signs of weakness because dealing with a person in that state takes strength and most people prefer not to be involved and thus try to discourage the behaviour which puts them in a predicament.

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How Toxic Childhood Experiences Affect Women's Relationships

Throughout childhood, women are told that they should look pretty, no matter what is going on in their minds. Women's opinions, consent and health are way less cared for and they are told to be caregivers for everyone else in the family. Several toxic patterns occur in households in our society, and they lower daughters' self-esteem as they grow up. Fathers shout and scream at mothers for minor things like household work or the quality of food cooked by them. Women are denied opinion in important family matters. Young boys are granted more authority than older women in a family. Even if they are displeased by such behaviour very rarely do the mothers and grandmothers complain about it to anyone which makes the children think that only men have the right to express displeasure and anger.

Even films show us how male protagonists go around doing what they like, while the whole world surrenders to them. If a man likes a woman, he will stalk her, force her to meet him and after several rejections, he'll turn her no into a yes. And that is defined as love. Generations of women have accepted that their consent is of no importance in front of a man's obsession and for their own wellness, it is better to say yes. Now when they come across a man who respects boundaries, asks for consent and has a two-end conversation, women simply do not know how to go about a relationship with such a person.

Breaking The Pattern Is Important

Last month, Karina F Daves, a life coach, shared her experience with her husband and how she misinterpreted his way of dealing with life, good days and bad days as not enough love because she constantly compared it with the chaotic love, she grew up with at her home. She reminded people to look back at the kind of love people have grown up with, and question if it was healthy at all and unlearn the patterns for better relationships in the future. She wrote in the caption of her post, "You have the power to break this trend. You have the power to decide to do something different. You have the power to love in a drastically different way. You have the power, not your past."

It is not always easy to break these toxic patterns by themselves as the existing thoughts and ideas have shaped our minds for far too long. In such situations, it is important that people go out to mental health caregivers and take a mindful step towards healing at a pace and in an environment that suits them. Women, however, need to be pushed a little more as they often feel guilty for caring about themselves. Healing should not be a choice but a necessity and the family members should stand by them at every step.

Views expressed are the author's own.