Dear Parents, Your Kids Are Doing It, Whether You Like It Or Not

As I patiently awaited my turn outside the washroom at a popular café in South Delhi, a teenage boy rushed past me and started banging on the door. ‘Yash* (name changed), your mom! Your mom’s calling! Yash! Open the door! It’s your mom! Your mom!’ He yelled.

Noticing me watching him, he apologised sheepishly. I smiled at him and said it was okay, reminiscing my teenage years, replete with artificial crises. Yash stepped out of the washroom, looking harried. Before I could inch toward the door, it shut. The lock turned, and a-click, I was left outside with two boys no older than 15, placating the mother on the phone.

Who was in the washroom? Was it another boy? Were they doing drugs? Smoking? Making out? I knocked, feeling guilty about invading the privacy of hormonal teenagers. But, in your mid-30s, work meetings hold precedence over clandestine meetings, and I had one to get back to.

A girl opened the door, and without making eye contact, rushed out of the café.

Teenagers And Safe Sex: Teenagers may be awkward, but they’re not shy!

In an analysis of 24,811 girls between ages 15 and 19, it was found that 8% had had sexual intercourse before the age of 15. The mean age for becoming sexually active was found to be 16.89 years. According to a survey of more that 10,400 adolescents (15 to 19 years) conducted by the Population Council in Bihar, 14.1% of unmarried adolescent boys and 6.3% of unmarried adolescent girls had premarital sex; and of them, 22% boys and 28.5% girls had premarital sex before 15 years. Uttar Pradesh shows similar trends - 17.2% of adolescent boys (15-19 years) and 6.2% of adolescent girls were found to be sexually active.

In Delhi, incidents of teenage couples making out in public places - cafes, bars, clubs, cars - or renting OYO rooms by the hour are common. They are an open secret that young adults know of, but never really speak of. In many schools, remaining a virgin through one’s high school years often becomes a cause for bullying. Yet, in homes, sex-ed remains taboo.

Home is… where sex is a sin?

 Despite the fact that we live in a culture that hypersexualises nearly everything, talking about sexuality is cloaked with shame. As if by not talking about it, we can pretend that it doesn’t exist. According to a paper published in the International Journal of Adolescence and Youth, “in 2007, the media reported that the Ministry of Health was considering a ban on sex education in schools since it conflicted with Indian cultural values and might lead adolescents to experimentation and irresponsible behaviour.”

We don’t need a study to prove how unacceptable it is in most Indian households to talk about sex or sexuality. But this is exactly where things need to change.

As things stand today, teenagers learn about sex from the Internet - porn, blogs, influencers. Barring a few responsible creators and publications that put out reliable information, there is a plethora of spurious content out there. Porn, for one, can be quite misleading. Other than not offering any real education about pleasure, it also doesn’t represent safe sex in any way whatsoever. Ever seen a condom in a porn video?

Image Credit: Unsplash

By shrouding sexuality in silence, we fail to educate teenagers about safe sex

 Various studies across India show that between 3% and 50% of sexually active teenagers use condoms. Even if we assume the average is closer to 50% rather than 3, we’re still left with about half of sexually active teenage population indulging in unsafe sex, risking unwanted pregnancies and STIs.

But this is just one of the risk factors that the sex taboo leaves teenagers vulnerable to. Here are a few more:

1. Harassment by cops and other authority figures

God forbid, an adolescent is caught making out, by a cop or a teacher! From threats to outright shaming, the moral police in our country sometimes leave behind scars that don’t heal.

2. Blackmail, bullying and “scandals”

Teenagers can be both adventurous and vindictive. When sex is salacious, it can be used as a tool to blackmail or bully someone. Today, where many teenagers have a phone and access to the Internet, it’s very easy to collect proof of sexual activity and use that to create a scandal. When kids are taught that sex is normal, and there’s nothing to feel ashamed of, they are less vulnerable to falling prey to things like this.

Suggested Reading:

5 Must-Watch Sex Education Films That Keep It Real

3. Risking their safety in public places

There are all sorts of people in the world! While the younger generation is okay with PDA, we still live in a country where many are intolerant of it. Making out in public spaces is always a risk because you don’t know who you’ll upset. Renting OYO rooms, or doing it in the car is no safer either.

So, what can parents do?

Educate your teenage kids about how the body changes during adolescence. About sexual urges. Safe practices. Set some rules, too. But be open to the possibility that your teenager will break those rules. Build a relationship where if your teenager is having sex, they don’t have to hide it from you. If you’re not okay with them having sex before a certain age, tell them so, and explain your reasons. But, also be open to understanding what that means for them.

In short, break the taboo!

The views expressed are the author's own.