Exploring 'Never-Ending' Responsibilities Of Elder Daughters

A Twitter user recently expressed how it feels to be the eldest daughter of the family. She wrote about how she has to be responsible and help out at home and how she has to be the happiest person despite feeling worried, tensed, or sad. The tweet went viral, as many netizens could relate to her and shared their opinions on the thread.

The tweet read, "As the eldest daughter, I feel like it is my responsibility to take care of everyone and everything. From making everyone at home eat their meals, making tea and snacks for guests, handling every crisis with a calm mind, taking care of everyone’s emotions, understanding everyone." "Helping out at home and at the office, knowing everyone’s likes and dislikes, taking care of their allergies, guiding my siblings in the right direction, being good at academics, handling all the accounts, maintaining family relations," added the user, who goes by the username "Deity."

She went on to explain how she has to keep smiling all the time even though she is worried, tensed, or sad; how she has to disregard her health to take care of others; say yes to everything; make sure no one is even accidentally hurt; apologise even if it wasn’t her fault; and so much more. She added that she has to be the happiest person at home so that everyone around her is happy and everything is perfect. And if something goes wrong, she feels like it’s because of her, and that’s the worst feeling ever.

Struggles Of Elder Daughters

As an elder daughter myself, I can completely relate to this. We are always expected to be the responsible one, the role model, the second mother, the one who doesn’t have the luxury to enjoy their childhood, and the one who cannot afford to make mistakes. Growing up, we are expected to help out with household chores, take care of younger siblings, and fulfil other domestic responsibilities. The invisible extra responsibility that lies on our shoulders can affect our physical and mental well-being. Unfortunately, the concept is normalised, and the adverse health effects are overlooked.

Lavanya, an IT professional who is in an unhappy marriage, shared that she is forced to "make her marriage work" because being separated from her husband might not be a good look for the family as she has an unmarried younger brother. "How is it fair to expect me to keep enduring abuse just so that he can get married?" she asks.

"Since I started earning first, I had to contribute to the family’s finances. I had to make sure the loans were repaid, keep track of the family finance and cater to other needs. It’s not that I regret helping out, but it fell on me even before I could figure out how to manage my own income. There was no model, there was no help, and there was no room for mistakes. I just had to learn on the go, and the pressure was overwhelming," said Kriti, an IT professional.

"We are two daughters to my parents, and my dad has always had a small regret that he doesn’t have a son. That very thought has been pressuring me to please him as much as I can, be the best in everything that I do, and take care of the family while dealing with my own challenges. The pressure gets to me so often that I break down often, but I can’t share it with anyone," said Sahana, a finance professional.

Deeptha Sreedhar, an MNC professional, shares some tips for the eldest daughter to cope with their challenging lives. "Although I did take it up willingly, sometimes it can be exhausting to remember all the annual payment details, maintain trackers for financial payments, keep copies of everyone’s digital proofs, and so on. To save myself from burnout, I lean on the support of my friends who do similar stuff, and sometimes venting to them helps a lot. Taking help from my father also helps. I have also accepted that I don’t have to be perfect at all times, so I focus on what matters most.

The moment our younger sibling is brought home, our lives completely change. Regardless of how young we are, we are expected to set the perfect example for our younger siblings. We are always expected to be responsible, well-behaved, and ideal children because our siblings apparently "learn" from us. So even the tiniest of our mistakes are blown out of proportion to ensure that our siblings don’t repeat them. Why do parents forget that we are also their children who are trying to figure things out? Why should we always be the ones to sacrifice, adjust, and compromise? Why do we have to "adult" faster than we naturally do just because we were born first?

Suggested Reading: National Girl Child’s Day 2023: Daughters Weigh In On Being Caretakers Of Their Parents

Views expressed by the author are their own. Feature image is for representation purposes only.