As a South Asian woman - I have been dismissed, gaslighted and even fired

As a first-generation Pakistani in the United Kingdom, I am very much aware of the tension between the gender norms and stereotypes constraining women of colour. For instance, traditionally speaking, South Asian women are not encouraged to be loud, ambitious or different. From a young age, we are told about marriage, kids and family and the family's expectations in terms of career paths. We are also not encouraged to drink, socialize or dress as we please. These are hindering factors when entering and progressing in the workplace because most companies' cultures are catered to Western norms and standards.

As a South Asian woman - I have been dismissed, gaslighted and even fired. I was told that "girls like me" don't achieve "those" things at school, only to experience a similar sentiment in the technology industry despite working hard and hustling for my place at the table. I became quiet, reserved and unhappy. Now, that unhappiness feeds into work ethic, and so despite wanting to do well, I started to resent the companies I was in and lacked the drive. Commuting to work daily felt counterproductive, yet I had a family to support.

Eventually, a gradual understanding of my self-worth and skills led me to leave that corporate life and pledge a life where communities, forums and tools can help women figure out their future, worth and career. It's figuring it out that's so important. From a young age, we are told that things will become more straightforward once you achieve that degree - only to enter the workplace, which often feels like an adult version of a high school drama.  There is no such thing as a linear path, and I am of the school of thought that we mustn’t focus on job titles but the skills we are using daily because job titles change but our abilities and strengths are innately in us. As a loud, confident, ambitious girl, I wish someone said, “you could be a radio presenter or TEDx x speaker”, rather than girls don’t questioning things that happen and aren’t on tv. It isn’t just South Asian culture that feels this way; it’s most of the world because these spaces are made for and by white middle-class men.

Initially, my experiences as a South Asian woman from the tech sector impacted me. They made me realise I wanted to create a space for women and people from diverse backgrounds to connect and share experiences. We now have over 50,000 in our social following who are very engaged and centred, sharing their experiences, perspectives and most important learnings. I often link it back to the stories our elders tell us as kids. In the same way, I think learning from others is critical in evolving, especially as you can understand their struggles, suggestions, and mistakes to avoid them.

Initially, my experiences as a South Asian woman from the tech sector impacted me. They made me realise I wanted to create a space for women and people from diverse backgrounds to connect and share experiences.

I was a well-educated good graded student as a child so coming into work and failing probation, life, health and work felt embarrassing, especially because as Asians we tend to dismiss failure and focus on the wins or next steps. It was hard admitting to myself that I hadn’t a clue what I was doing and needed help, because we are also notoriously bad at asking for help. It’s ironic then that I have a Ted talk on failure, and am the youngest South Asian women to have 2 on the Tedx stage, both coming from my experiences of being told I couldn’t, wouldn't or shouldn’t and being brave enough to break that stigma. That’s one thing I know we really need to work on as a community and society, is the stigma we attach to things, gender, skin colour and height even; rather than embracing our diversity and ensuring we are ready to take on the world.

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It’s crazy to think that one idea and one moment changed the trajectory of my life. Still, in hindsight, that’s part of my ancestral story as our Asian ancestors have been moving, adapting, problem-solving, building community and hustling since the very start. Its’ merely, I have been able to embrace those qualities and use them to my advantage as a British brown intersectional woman.

I wanted to make a social impact and encourage inclusion and diversity in workplaces. So I left the corporate world, and that’s how the ‘business’ or consulting aspect of LMF Network – and later on, my own business – started to take shape. Firms and brands reached out to me through word of mouth and recommendations to support their community, connectivity and inclusion. Publishers approached me through the same medium to write a book about LMF, which was epic given that there are very few brown non-fiction authors globally. With the success of my brand profile, business and community, I had the opportunity to host the first business show on the BBC Asian Network and become the only Asian continent representative for the LinkedIn Changemaker campaign in 2021. What a great full circle, hearing myself on TV, seeing myself in the stores and on the television, and ensuring that younger brown girls can also see themselves and think - if she can do it, what’s stopping me.

Sonya Barlow is the founder of LMF Network and was recognised as a LinkedIn Changemakers for 2021. The views expressed are the author's own.