Sologamy Is Not A Rebound Of A Failed Relationship

Since Gujarat’s Kshama married herself, sologamy has become quite a buzzword. Some women are enthralled by the idea of being a bride but not a wife while others laugh it away as a ridiculous way to get over an ex. 

Sologamy has been very popular in the west and certainly gives us new goals for self-love, but it will be a failure if we consider it as a rebound of a failed relationship. Wondering how? Well, our patriarchal society has never accepted any form of commitment or relationship that is not heterosexual as valid so is its way to discredit sologamy?

Sologamy Not A Rebound

The other day, I was having a conversation with my friend about exploring one’s sexuality. I told her that we didn’t get the chance to do it and so it is debatable whether we really know about ourselves beyond the biases. My friend immediately questioned if I was a lesbian or bisexual. As I said no, with a sigh of relief, she retorted, “Don’t change your sexuality just because you had a bad breakup.”

While her statement was absolutely right, it made me question how people understand relationships that are not heterosexual. Our understanding of relationships or &t=1122s" target="_blank" rel="noopener">marriage revolves around heterosexuality. Any other form of relationship is either considered a fault, disease or rebound of heterosexuality. People even say that a person gets involved in same-sex relationships because they face rejection from people of the opposite gender.

Similarly, sologamy, which is not heterosexual, is also being understood by keeping heterosexuality at the centre. Society is not ready to accept that a person, especially a woman, can be married without a partner of the opposite gender. But dear society, to your disappointment, heterosexual marriages are not the only form of taking wedding vows. Homosexual marriages, sologamy or transgender marriages are equally valid ways of commitment.

Moreover, many may believe that sologamy is one of the best ways for a woman to own her life. It gives her the power to live on her own without being sired to a man. Oh wait, doesn't that challenge patriarchy? So it insists on looking upon sologamy as a rebound in an attempt to make women feel powerless. But dear society, why do you assume that a woman’s happiness lies in being tied to a man? Don’t women have the freedom to just think about themselves as lone stars?

It is certainly problematic that our society still tends to invalidate any form of commitment and relationship other than heterosexuality. It is high time that it widens its perspective. Well, we don’t really want to talk about Kshama's personal life. However, the 24-year-old Kshama Bindu, from Gujarat's Vadodara is all set to marry herself and it is being said that it will be the first act of sologamy in India.

Even if sologamy is a rebound of a failed relationship, does it really matter? Can anything be more precious than gaining reasons to love yourself? At least you are committed to yourself and will constantly make an effort to make things work. 

The views expressed are the author's own.