Yes, Kanishka Soni Married Herself. Why Does It Bother Trolls?

The notion that a woman shouldn't work and get married instead now seems outmoded, given the progress made by the drive to empower women and create awareness about gender equality. In colleges, women outnumber men. We are all supposed to work and earn enough money to live on. However, when it comes to marriage, society still wants women to submit to patriarchal dictates and walk one step behind their husbands.

Women are expected to be obedient unpaid labourers, who have no agency over their life. If they want to work, they must do so with permission from their matrimonial family and while shouldering the burden of household duties. What's more, they are not supposed to speak up about marital discord, domestic abuse or even sexless marriages. "Don't wash your dirty laundry in public."

Is it a wonder then, that numerous women are opting for sologamy, choosing a happily ever after in their own fine company?

Kanishka Soni Married Herself: She isn't the first to opt for sologamy

The first time most of us were introduced to the concept of sologamy was when Sarah Jessica Parker's Carrie Bradshaw revealed to a friend in the 2003 Sex and the City episode "A Woman's Right to Shoes" that she planned to marry herself in defiance of the stigmatisation that single, unmarried women experience. In a symbolic ceremony held in Monaco 14 years later, Brazilian supermodel Adriana Lima tied the knot with herself. Today, more and more people are opting for sologamy, but what exactly is it? Solomaturity is a dedication to oneself, not necessarily to observe celibacy or singleness. If we are happily single, looking for a spouse, or in a long-term relationship with someone else, we can have a solo wedding.

When TV actor Kanishka Soni declared that she was getting married to herself, the concept did not sit well with a lot of trolls. The actor had declared her self-marriage on Instagram and published images showing off her mangal sutra and sindoor. She received numerous negative comments and hate messages in response to her Instagram post. She issued a video message on August 18, calling out the trolls and making it clear that she had made up her mind about getting married to herself. Many individuals have accused her of ignoring science and questioned her about her sex life. She added that because of how far science has come, women no longer require men for sex.

Marriage is not about sex, it's about love and honesty one seeks for and I have lost that faith, so it's better to live alone and love myself than seeking it in outside world when it's difficult to find: Kanishka Soni

Paul Dolan, a behavioural scientist at the London School of Economics, claims that traditional adult milestones like marrying and having children don't always lead to greater satisfaction. He writes in his most recent book, Happy Ever After, women who choose to stay childless and alone actually live longer, happier lives. However, false beliefs about solitary women in particular can be harmful.

Being single can encourage us to look within. As it becomes more and more acceptable to devote time, resources, and effort to building the temple of the self, being single seems enticing. Meanwhile, relationships with other people are all-consuming. So, in a way, choosing to be alone is also about redirecting our energies. Soni's belief that self-partnering is the key to happiness speaks something about how we view relationships and the single vs. partnered paradigm as well as the newly discovered capacity for self-fulfillment that we are beginning to recognise.

Suggested Reading: Devon Ke Dev… Mahadev Actor Kanishka Soni Marries Herself

 You may be willing to share your life with someone else, but a spouse is not something you "need." Building a strong sense of self-worth helps maintain standards for what you want in a relationship and lessens the tendency to accept stifling situations or partnerships. Thus, sologamy is a way to honour yourself, and commit to self-love in order to reap benefits in your romantic life and beyond.

The views expressed are the author's own.