Ahead of the release of Bloody Daddy, actor Shahid Kapoor spoke with journalist Sneha Menon Desai about his marriage, children, life after Farzi, finding his rhythm, and more. When talking about marriage, Kapoor made a very problematic statement that has stirred controversy on social media.
The Farzi actor ">said, "Marriage is just about one thing—the guy was a mess, and the woman came in to fix him. The rest of this life is going to be a journey of being fixed and becoming a decent person." For an actor of his stature, this statement is problematic and misleading in several ways. Why on earth is it a woman’s duty to "fix" a broken man?
Shahid On Women Fixing Men
Everybody has their own share of struggles and challenges in life. While it’s okay to get support from loved ones, marriage isn’t about one partner fixing the other. You go to a psychologist if you need fixing; you don’t get married and expect the woman who was dreaming of getting a partner to raise the manchild in you!
No woman is signing up to become an unpaid therapist!
Society has, for ages, perceived women as rehabilitation centres for men. Whenever there is marital discord, the wife is advised to "fix" the man because it’s her responsibility as a wife. If a man isn’t being responsible enough, his family immediately gets him married because it’s believed that the wife will come and fix him. Why should parents not take the responsibility of fixing their own flawed children? Why are they so eager to pass on the burden to a woman?
Moreover, no one can be fixed until they are willing to mend their ways. Changing needs a lot of inner work and commitment. No woman can simply fix a broken and messed-up man with the swish of a magic wand, and it’s not her responsibility either. Why would a woman want to spend the rest of her life fixing a manchild who was spoiled rotten? Why should she take up the responsibility of fixing a grown man who is basically someone else’s child?
Parents raise a male child into an irresponsible, insecure, entitled, unstable, and messed-up man and then marry him off to a woman who wants to share her life with an equal partner. But what does she get? A manchild who needs to be "fixed." Why should she sacrifice her entire life to fix someone else’s flawed parenting? A woman’s duty is only to raise her children with equal support from her partner. She shouldn’t have to raise the one she married along with the ones she gave birth to.
Movies have only made it worse by portraying extremely flawed male leads who are "fixed" by the female lead, thus sensationalising the problematic concept. From Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge to Yeh Jawani Hai Deewani to Kabir Singh, why hasn’t the narrative changed, at least in movies? How problematic is it for mainstream media to normalise and glorify toxic relationships as perfect?
And for an established actor like Shahid Kapoor to deliver this statement is completely unacceptable and misleading. Being filmmakers and actors, shouldn’t these people have a higher sense of social consciousness because their statements are powerful enough to influence thousands of people?
It's high time our society realised that women aren't rehabilitation centres for broken men. Women get married or get into relationships in the hopes of finding a stable partner to share life with. If there is an issue, a couple could support each other to sail through it, but it’s never a woman’s responsibility to fix a messed-up man.
Regardless of what internalised patriarchy has left behind, that is not what marriage is about. Marriage is about partnership, and if a man cannot take up the responsibility of being an equal partner, he shouldn’t be getting married in the first place!
Suggested Reading: Why Are Women Responsible For Fixing A Broken Marriage?
Image Credits: Film Companion via YouTube
Views expressed by the author are their own
/shethepeople/media/agency_attachments/iUYfaBbcMozaYLoGnoov.png)
Follow Us/shethepeople/media/post_banners/Y4ig61Ln882OxAaKL0lo.jpg)