Shaadi Ke Baad Pehenna: Why Should Women's Marital Status Be The Decision Makers?

Recently, my mother pulled out my toe ring and said “shaadi ke baad pehenna”. When I asked that why should I wait till marriage to do what I want to do, she said that if I wear certain things before marriage, it will affect my and my family’s reputation. Although my mother dropped a full stop to the conversation, my mind began a new debate. Why should my marital status get to decide what I should wear or do?

Why should I wait for a husband and in-law to permit me to live according to my choices? Why is my freedom to choose bound by the fear of impacting the fragile and pretentious reputation of the family?

I am sure I am not alone in this affair of making a woman’s marital status the decision-makers of their lives. Almost every woman in India is expected to make choices in life according to their prevalence post marriage. Many women are asked to not wear short clothes, ring in the ring finger, nose rings, sindoor or mangalsutra before they get married. Even while getting body piercings women are expected to keep their marriage and likes of future-non-existent in-laws in mind. These things are reserved as symbols of a man’s ownership of a woman which marks her safe and secured. But my question is that why should a man’s own woman’s choices? Why should a woman wait for a man’s permission to wear whatever they want?

Moreover, it is also important to question that why should certain apparel of women be reserved as symbols of marriage? Why can’t wearing them or not be perceived as a choice of a woman? Why can’t an unmarried woman wear toe rings while a married woman doesn’t? Why should a woman's marital status be defined by how they look? Why does society dictate the choices of women?

I am raising these questions because I have personally witnessed these stereotypes and prejudices in my life.

Once I was travelling on a train wearing toe rings. And the passenger next to me immediately asked if I was married. His question left me perplexed because how does wearing a toe ring or not signify if I am married? Are there any symbols that men are supposed to carry to confirm their marital status? Are there any restrictions on what they should wear before and after marriage?

It is high time we understand that women own their bodies and have the right to decide how they want to decorate them. Not their marital status, but women's free will gets to decide what they wear, where they go and what they do. Stop making marriage women’s sole source of freedom. The very idea that a woman needs to get married in order to be free is problematic. If a woman isn’t free before marriage, how can she understand or find that sense of freedom in the constraints of &t=1120s">marriage?

If a woman needs a man’s ownership or permission to be free, that freedom can never be wholesome.