Does Sexism In Kitchen Make Women Resent Cooking?

Sexism in Kitchen: Many modern Indian men know their way around the kitchen. But for women, the same corner of the house actually comes as a part of their familial and gender-based inheritance. Seriously, urban or rural, young or old, eventually for most women, there is no escape from kitchen work. So is it possible that this burden of duties that is shoved at them, without their consent, does actually end up making women resent cooking? Are young women today not taking up kitchen duties, or showing little interest in cooking because they feel that once they take up kitchen work, there is no going back?

It had been a slow day, so I had decided to invite one of my female friends over to hang out. I thought we would grab a bite to eat and catch up while enjoying the swings. We started chatting about the ideas of individuality and how the constructs of our society restrict our ability to express ourselves the way we deem best. We realised that the ideas of institutional sexism do not restrict themselves to big, professional organisations or public bodies – the criminal justice system, for example, or the police force, a particular company, or a political party. In subtle ways, these ideas exist in the most modern of Indian homes, passed down from generation to generation in the form of rules that aren't set in stone yet are non-negotiable.

The conversation steered to a tangent where we talked about how gender roles are so undignified and engraved in our culture that it takes a sharp eye and immense perspective to differentiate between genuine responsibilities and casual sexism. She said, and I quote, “I don’t want to cook, and even if I did, I wouldn’t because the moment I start cooking someone somewhere would think I owe it to them.”

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This conversation reminded me of another story that my dad told me from his college days. He mentioned that he had these two friends back in the day, a set of twins, a brother and a sister. After college, they invited my dad back home for lunch one day, and he agreed to go. They reached home, and their mother told her daughter to pour water for his brother and my dad. Now pouring water for a guest should not seem like a big deal, but do consider that even she had been out with them for the entire day and that she was asked to pour water in line with upholding her household responsibilities as a woman. How is that not sexist?

We must understand that sexism is endemic and a constant force against which women battle daily and in some cases, even before they are born. How can we expect to transform the cycle of sexism in mainstream culture if it is normalised and perpetuated by the family, the first vital institution we encounter? What does it mean to a little girl to witness people congratulating her parents on finally having a boy? How can we expect to open people’s eyes when those they trust the most have woven layers of gendered discrimination into the very foundations of their fundamental world views? Even more so, the penetration of undignified gender roles accompanied by institutionalised sexism is so deep in our culture that most of us fail to identify and call it out when we see it.

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In no way could I ever universalise this phenomenon of institutional sexism towards women in households, as I am sure there are lovely, compassionate families out there who are knocking down gender stereotypes and nurturing their children’s self-esteem and individuality. However, to get acquainted with the sort of blatantly sexist attitudes that many women still have to face within their very own families is a frightening testimony to the magnitude of the situation itself.

At the end of the day, let us take a moment to introspect where the roots of true sexism lie. To ask ourselves what is the source of the problematic gender roles that plague our society? Where is a boy taught how to be a boy and a girl taught how to be a girl? Where are the constructs of masculinity and femininity established? At home. So in order to maximise individuality in our society and let ambitions fly, it is crucial that we break the pattern of systematic and institutionalised sexism in our households and there is no place better to start than our kitchens.

Views expressed are the author's own.