"Saali Aadhi Gharwali" Stop Sexualising Women In Families

"Saali Aadhi Gharwali" I am sure this isn't for the first time that you came across the phrase. It is being passed on in families, movies and social media since years.

Most people tend to either laugh it away or scroll down to find something "new". But how many times have you questioned the phrase and the patriarchal ideology that it peddles? How many times did you stop the person who casually nudged his sister-in-law and called her "aadhi gharwali"? Or did you even try to rip the blanket of playfulness and see how patriarchy sexualises and objectifies women irrespective of age or the bond that they share with men? 

Legacy of objectifying sisters-in-law lives on

On one side we are touching new heights in the discussions and developments of gender equality and on the other side we are stooping down every day to objectify women by finding new labels or continuing to follow the old ones. Referring sisters-in-law as gharwali and sexualising the relationship between brothers-in-law and sisters-in-law is a tad old sexist concept. But would you say that the idea has disappeared today? No.

Today it has reached a new level of objectifying women by becoming a genre in porn websites, popular TV shows, lyrics of the latest songs and jokes of educated people on WhatsApp groups. This is not it. Cases of sexual assault and rape of sisters-in-law by their brothers-in-law have also been reported in the past few years. 

Just few weeks ago a man was booked for raping his sister-in-law in Sundergarh, Odisha. A week before this, a man in Rajasthan raped his minor sister-in-law, impregnated her and eloped with her to Pune under the pretect of marriage. In 2018, United Nations Drugs and Crime report said that home is the most dangerous place in the world for women. More than half of the homicides of women were committed by close relatives or partners. According to NFHS-4 survey, every third woman in India faces sexual or physical violence at home. 

Questions Raised Before too. But Answers?

Amidst such hair-raising statistics of lack of safety of women at home, what is the point of harbouring ideologies that legitimise sexualisation of female family members? Just because a woman is a sister-in-law, who gives men the right to label her as "aadhi gharwali" which has hidden sexual innuendoes? Does it not legitimise a non-consensual relationship with a woman by the virtue of being her brother-in-law? Yes, the relationship between sisters-in-law and brothers-in-law is often playful and friendly but how does that justify its sexualisation?

Doesn't it rather point out the society's lack of understanding about the relationship between men and women which is not always sexual but often platonic and potential friendship that empowers them? 

And what does the concept of "aadhi gharwali" even mean apart from being a socially sanctioned license for adultery, polygamy? This also makes me wonder how society defines and differentiates the roles of "poori gharwali"? A stay-at-home-wife who never questions her husband's dominance and deeds?

Why brothers-in-law aren't "aadhe gharwale"?

Moreover, have you ever wondered why brothers-in-law aren't called as "aadhe gahrwale"? And do women have as much freedom and entitlement like men to flirt and joke with their brothers-in-law? No. Because this enrages their husbands who deem their wives openness with other men, especially brothers-in-law, as a question on their character. Why aren't such objections and questions raised when men openly flirt with their sisters-in-law and even harass them?

Sexualising female family members whether she is a mother, aunty, saali or bhabhi, exposes the hypocrisy of a society that forces its women to be sanskari and bound in familial relationships only to freely objectify them within the "protected" walls of the house and family. It also disrupts the relationship among the sisters or women in the house as the woman who gains male-attraction and favour is shamed by other women for breaking relationships.

Women aren't objects. Stop sexualising them

But dear women, don't get carried away by the snares of patriarchy that breathes by objectifying women and posing them against each other in the fight of being the most likeable in the eyes of patriarchy. Don't let your love and support for your sister be overpowered by patriarchal mindsets that peddle narratives like aurat hi aurat ki dushman hoti hai. The only way to break down this old and toxic patriarchal ideology that sexualises and hence breaks families is to encourage sisterhood and relationships in which people support and empower each other. 

And lastly, stop objectifying and sexualising women because there is absolutely nothing that can justify it except a dented mindset that doesn't understand humanity. 

Views expressed are the author's own.