5 Regressive Bengali Wedding Rituals We Need To Do Away With : You Agree?

Its always a pleasure to attend a Bengali wedding ceremony. The celebrations can go on for about a week or even more. While it is a joyous time, it also includes some extremely regressive rituals. These are a direct result of the patriarchal setup. Instead of glorifying them, let us do away with these regressive Bengali Wedding Rituals.

1. Aiburo Bhaat

Aiburo means unmarried and bhaat translates to rice. This ceremony marks the final meal a maiden has at her maternal home before leaving for her in-laws' house. Though both the bride and the groom are a part of this ritual, it symbolises the end of a woman's life as a daughter at her home. Henceforth, she will be referred to as a wife and daughter-in-law. The groom's identity however remains unaffected. Years of conditioning has led to the normalising of such regressive Bengali wedding rituals. We should clearly do away with anything that demands the loss of a woman's individuality and identity.

2. Bhaat-Kapor

In this ritual, the groom hands over a plate of rice along with many other delicacies and a sari to the bride. He then says, "Aaj theke aami tomaar bhaat-kapor er daiyitto nilam". This means, "I hereby take the responsibility to feed you and provide you with clothes". A husband promising to fulfill his wife's needs signifies how women are forever seen as dependents. Carrying forward such regressive rituals should be stopped immediately.

3. Maa Tomar Jonno Dashi Aante Jachhi

Though rare these days, this is what the groom says to his mother before his wedding. Translation: "Mother, I am going to bring a maid for you". Basically, it symbolises the role a woman is expected to perform on arriving at her in-laws' place. She is reduced to nothing but a helping hand. Is that the position a daughter-in-law is supposed to hold?

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4. Catching a live Lyata fish

This ritual is practiced on the arrival of the bride at her husband's house. It is both regressive and weird. Imagine welcoming a newly wed bride with a live fish! According to a popular belief, if she succeeds in catching the fish, she will be able to hold the reins of the household and fulfill her homely duties. Slipping of the fish from her hands is considered to be inauspicious.

5. Kaal Ratri

A belief from a fable tells if the bride and the groom sleep together on the night of their wedding, their conjugal life is bound to be discordant. The couple is thus made to sleep in separate rooms. Rituals mixed with superstitions prevent us from progressing.

Why don't we start viewing marriage as a symbol of companionship instead of subjugation? We don't want to leave behind our identity as a daughter on getting married. Nor do we want our husbands to promise us food and clothes. All we want is the love, respect and companionship till the marriage lasts. These regressive Bengali wedding rituals can at least be transformed if not abolished. Marriages should take place among equals and no room for dominance or dependence should be left in a marriage.

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