This Women's Day, Let Us Reclaim Our Individualities From Patriarchal Society

For the longest time, people have described women in the context of their relationship with society, especially men, and the roles they play, like being “someone’s wife”, “someone’s daughter”, “someone’s mother” etc, all of which I agree is an essential part of their identity, but is that all there is to be a woman? Shouldn't we women reclaim our individualities?

This notion is the reason why identity beyond these roles is hard to navigate and even harder to describe. The much pondered-upon question of “Who am I?”, is often a question that remains unanswered till the very end. If we ask our mothers their likes and dislikes, the possibility is, they might just not know because they were never allowed to step out of these roles that were imposed upon them by society, the ones that are claimed to be “natural”, as if women were destined to be just the mother, the wife, the caretaker.

This Women's Day, Let Us Reclaim Our Individualities From Patriarchal Society

All of these roles that are “naturally” imposed on women, never allow them to see themselves as individual beings that are allowed to be whoever they want to be, not just in terms of the career they choose, but also in terms of the life they wanna lead. Women’s choices, especially when it comes to their sexuality, are so restricted that they themselves start to believe that they don’t have a sexual drive, at all.

In one of my psychology classes, my professor proposed this question to the class - how many of us would be comfortable thinking of our mothers being sexual beings, let alone being sexually active, which really made me think how even we, as progressive feminists, are not completely free of internalised patriarchal notions.

Even though it is arguable that a 21st-century woman is free of these roles, and has more flexibility in terms of choosing a career, choosing a partner, etc. Still, on the ground level, this is not a reality for most women, even now, which is why it is crucial for us to keep checking our surroundings for signs of oppression because it is only then that we can discover our true selves.

Internalised patriarchy and social conditioning can show up in many forms, from as little as seeking male validation to sticking around in toxic relationships. When we accept our fates as women and submit to the set societal expectations, as women- mothers, daughters, and wives, we give more power to the present systems of power, denying our own needs, and putting others first because of course, as a woman and you have to care, even when you aren’t being cared for.

When we associate women with the identity of goddesses, we propose the idea of an “">ideal woman” which again gives rise to pedestals impossible to reach, resulting in dissonance, violence against women when they fail to live up to that, and loss of self. It is essential that we keep an eye out for such subtle systems that appear to be harmless but really aren’t. Rebellion against these systems is what has led to whatever freedom women have now, and continuous rebellion is how we can dismiss the system altogether for the generation to come.

While being at this question of the self, for people identifying as women in a patriarchal setup, I must address that knowing oneself does not mean knowing everything about the self and having every answer, it is about being aware of our social identity and trying to step out of the notions projected on us by simply asking questions about power and privilege. This is by no means to say that you are in the wrong if you aren't “rebellious” because again, having the place to rebel is itself a privilege sometimes, given the threat of major violence and dependence on others.

So to say, loving oneself and caring for oneself in a society that sees your needs as futile and dismisses them altogether, is itself a powerful form of rebellion and revolution. Constantly questioning the self and those in power can also prove to do wonders in the way we understand ourselves in relation to the world. Asking questions like, what would we do if we weren’t always surrounded by these social cameras? Am I subtly accepting the norms and settling for less? Am I taking care of myself enough? What can I do to change my current circumstances?

The oppression that is so systematically engraved is hard to dismantle but is not unattainable if we on an individual level start making small but real changes in the way we let others view us, for which it is essential to know our own view of the self.

Remember, it is your right to take up space and own your identity, as a woman who is more than just the societal understanding of women. Don’t do it to prove anything to the world, do it as a service to the women who walked on eggshells for us to be here, to be happy, to work towards revolution, and to destroy ages of patriarchy, one question at a time.

Anushka Agarwal is an MA Psychology student at Ambedkar University and a Freelance Content Writer. Views expressed are the author's own.

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