Better To Leave An Unhappy Marriage Than Be In One: UP Man Gets Wife Married To Lover

The story of a real life Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam couple has shown that remaining in a marriage where love is not mutual, equality is not assured and emotional investments are missing is an experience to no one's benefit. Pankaj Sharma from Kanpur recently agreed to arrange the marriage of his wife to her boyfriend, after he found she was not happy in their relationship.

As per reports, Sharma and Komal tied the knot earlier this year. Even a few months into their marriage, the couple had a distance between them that persisted. "She neither consummated the marriage nor even talked to anyone," Sharma was quoted saying in reports.

She eventually revealed she was in love with Pintu, a man she was with before marrying Sharma. In support of her, Sharma apparently thought it best for Komal to return to her old flame. He reportedly went the mile to get Komal and Pintu a lawyer and make other arrangements for their big day.

The incident is Sanjay Leela Bhansali's 1999 film come to life, the only difference being that Aishwarya Rai (Nandini) in the end - in true blue Bollywood cliche - decides to remain with Ajay Devgn (Vanraj), whom she married, instead of returning to Salman Khan (Sameer), whom she said she loved. Or thought she did.

Komal did go back to Pintu.

Real Life Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam, But Without The Cliche

Such incidents are rare, but not entirely unheard of in India. Which is surprising - even with its paltry numbers - since our society is notoriously resistant to the very idea of leaving the sanctity of marriage for as flimsy seeming a reason as lovelessness.

Last year in Bhopal, Madhya Pradesh, a woman made the wise decision of voluntarily leaving her marriage so her husband could marry his lover. Theirs was a marriage of three years and the man reportedly expressed a desire of also tying the knot with the second woman. Instead of holding on to their union, she let it go. And would perhaps have been happier for it.

Indian couples, particularly those whose marriages are arranged by their families, are conditioned to sustain their unhappy lives together against all odds. Marriage, after all, is a sacred institution in our society and leaving it midway is seen as first, an attack on culture and second, cowardice.

Is leaving an unfulfilling marriage cowardice or a sign of extreme strength?

You learn to adjust and live with a partner, elders say, subtly making their case against divorce even at the cost of two people's mental health that a bad marriage may be eating away at. For women especially, the burden of living by conventional norms is especially heavy.

Many take pride in our country's divorce rates, among the lowest in the world at around one percent. But does that indicate peaceful relationships or unnatural, unpeaceful conformity? Should individual people with their individual agencies be living this way? Must the institution of marriage bear empowerment or stand as a toxic barrier to personal choice?

Views expressed are the author's own. 

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