Why Can't Daughters Have Any Privacy In Indian Households?

If you have grown up in an Indian household, you must be well-versed with the conflict around the concept of privacy. In Indian households, lack of privacy is seen as a marker of morality, as you have nothing to hide- no secrets, no bad habits or no aspects of life that will be socially frowned upon. Thus, the more a person demands privacy, the more their character gets questioned. And like any other social norm, women face the worst brunt of the restrictions around privacy in Indian households.

Growing up, privacy was an alien concept to me. Maintaining a journal, having a mobile phone and sitting in a closed room was like playing with fire. There was always this lingering fear- what if my parents get their hands on my journal? What if they snoop into my phone and read my personal messages? Even today, I delete texts that I think might scandalise my parents if they come across them. My mother always wants to know who I am talking to, or what am I writing about.

Privacy of daughters: A right parents don't want them to have

I am sure many millennials will relate to these experiences or would like to add more. For instance, one of my friends who used to talk to her boyfriend from the privacy of her room was ‘caught’ by her father who had apparently been snooping on her for weeks. Another woman confessed that her own sister opened her journal, read everything and told their parents about her feelings.

Interestingly, in most of these incidents, the things done in privacy were far from being wrong or scandalising. Every person has the right to have a relationship, maintain journals or have secrets. But people are shamed not so much for the activity that they do privately but for daring to hide parts of their lives from their caretakers.

Suggested Reading: Seven Ways Parents Upset Their Daughters Even Though They Don't Want To

Why does it enrage parents when their daughters want to have a life and space of their own? Why do they expect them to report everything happening in their lives? Don’t parents have secrets of their own? Won't parents feel their privacy is being invaded if their kids begin demanding information about all aspects of their life?

Moreover, when it comes to women, restricting their privacy is not just about knowing every part of their lives. But it is also about controlling how their lives pan out.

Women in our society are not individuals but manifestations of morality and reputation. Their bodies and identities are not meant to make them independent but to make them the subjects of patriarchy. And this is why everyone feels entitled to police women and pass judgements on their lifestyles. Parents are constantly reminded to control the lives of their daughters who are going to be someone’s wives or &t=204s">bahus and embody ghar ki izzat. Ladki haath se nikal jaegi is a very common fear which is weaponised by society and used to coerce parents into policing their daughters.

Ultimately, parents are forced to control the freedom of their daughters, especially their right to privacy. Whatever goes on in their lives should be under the supervision of the parents.  A son’s mistake might be ignored or forgiven under the belief that men will be men. But a daughter’s mistake becomes a blot not only on her reputation but also on the family’s.

Privacy is not just about having one’s own room. It is about having the freedom to decide what happens in their lives. Stop perceiving your daughters from patriarchy’s perspective. A daughter doesn’t owe her parents or society a lifetime of submission or supervision just because of her gender. If parents really want to protect their daughters, they should give them the freedom they deserve. A daughter will be protected not by her parents’ supervision but by being strong enough to protect herself.

Views expressed are the author's own