Dear Parents, Children Are Not Being Disrespectful By Demanding Privacy

Do you also get suspicious looks from your parents when you demand privacy? Then you are not alone in this. Indian parents are unaware or pretend to be so, of the concept of innocent privacy. They see privacy either as an alarm of their kids’ walking on the wrong path or proof that kids no longer respect them. But dear parents, would you like it if kids invade your privacy? Isn’t that an act of disrespect too?

I had it happen to my sibling when he returned from a vacation. My brother was away on a year-long vacation and my parents were excited about his return. But their smiles started fading as he preferred being alone, busy with work or entertainment. He denied sharing a room with my parents which led them to be suspicious of him.

When the parents had ruled out that he is not indulging in suspicious activity, they assumed that their only son no longer respects them. “Ab bache na hamare reh gaye, na hum unke”, sighed my father consoling my mother who kept on saying that we have the right of inquiring about our kids.

Definitely, the fact that my parents felt secluded and deprived of children’s love made me sad. It even made me question if we were doing something wrong to them. But the next minute I realised that the poor state of their feelings was not because they felt ignored but because their idea of parenting was threatened. They are so deeply conditioned into believing that they have control over their kids that they broke to see it threatened.

The traditional idea of parenting in India

Indian parenting draws its root from traditions as does every other practice in our society. Indian history is laden with the stories of how kids are blindly devoted to their parents. Be it Shravan’s story of giving up his life for his blind parents or Pandavas’ decision to share Draupadi as their wife because their mother absent-mindedly said so have set up benchmarks of how a good child should be.

I am not negating the fact that children should be obedient and respectful towards their parents. But should that devotion come at the cost of children’s personal choices? Why do we think that a child is devoted to their parents only if they sacrifice their life, privacy and choices? Why can’t we accept that a child who stands by their choices and demands privacy still respects and loves their parents?

Moreover, because of the poverty in our country, many houses do not have the luxury of privacy. Consequently, many of us have accepted and idolised this as a normal and more loving way of being together. While this is a reality in many households in India, should we be against it if things change for good? Does the togetherness of family depend only on physical closeness? Does it not depend on the healthy environment of the house where everyone has the freedom to be themselves?

Importance of privacy

The problem is that ">Indian parents do not understand the importance of privacy when it comes to their kids. Until the time they are paying for the child’s needs, parents have the urge to know how and what their child is doing. Knowing about children’s life is important but judging them and controlling their choices isn’t.

Especially, when a child becomes an adult, they have the right to live on their terms. As far as privacy is concerned, it is the basic right of every human. It doesn’t depend on age, gender or relationship. Giving space to others in a relationship makes the bond strong and trustworthy. Privacy helps a person to understand themselves better. It makes them realise the importance of creating boundaries and establishing their individuality.

So dear parents, accept the importance of privacy in your kids’ lives. Just like you have a part of life in which you don’t like anyone’s interference, kids have it too.  And when parents become understanding, children will automatically trust them and share about the problems in their life. So next time when a child demands privacy, dear parents let them be. They are just trying to strengthen the bond with themself and not breaking the one with their parents.

Views expressed are the author's own.

Suggested Reading: Dear Parents, Support Your Kids Without The Urge To Control Them