Am I The A-Hole For Refusing Pregnant Women Privileges? Let's Discuss

Recently, a US man took to Reddit to open a discussion over whether he was in the right for not giving up his aeroplane seat to a pregnant woman. Reddit user u/michaeldonelly shared the ordeal on a subreddit called 'Am I The A**hole', dedicated to people narrating morally questionable choices that they make, to get an outsider's perspective. The man explained that he was flying solo on December 15 to visit family over Christmas break when, "right before boarding, a woman asked me to give up my seat so she could sit closer to the bathroom. She was pregnant but did not seem distressed," he wrote.

He clarified that he had carefully picked an aisle seat and paid extra so he could be close to the bathroom on the 5-hour-long flight. "While I felt for her situation, as someone with a medical condition, I did not feel it was fair to demand I move from the seat I planned for and paid for, especially since she apparently had not booked an aisle seat herself in advance," he wrote. He claimed that no one came to his defence on the flight, but Reddit commenters sure did. "Not the a**hole," they declared.

More Such Incidents

Last year, a similar discussion was sparked over a man who refused to give a pregnant woman his seat on the bus, saying that pregnancy was "her choice”. The man further said “It’s not my fault she decided to have a baby when she can’t afford a car.” He argued that men are paying the same fare as women and deserve to sit down after a long day at work. Are pregnant women too demanding if they expect basic courtesy and comfort?

The thread also revealed that none of the women sitting in the bus gave this pregnant woman a seat to sit. Now, this is a never-ending debate, men think that now that women are fighting for equal rights they should bear the brunt of what comes with it and stop asking for special privileges.

But when a woman is carrying a baby, does the situation change? Should people have to treat her differently or not? 

Pregnant women privileges: Is that even a thing?

The Twitter incident happened abroad which made one user comment, “Here's a good example of how degenerate western society has become and its only going down from here. Yet we keep aping western values and morals in India. Preserving our own culture, traditions and indic moral values, is the only way we can save ourselves from doom.” I won’t say I agree with him that such incidents don’t happen in India, travel by public transport and you’ll witness similar cases.

The man in the bus had reportedly said, that at his job, he’s literally on his feet all day, and that he works 10 hour shifts. But the pay is good, so he can deals with it. However, after a long day, his feet are sore and so he genuinely cherishes the time he spends sitting on the bus ride home, knowing that he has to walk another 15-20 minutes to his house from the bus stop. This meant more time on his feet.

He further said that he wasn't rude or anything, that he just told the pregnant woman that he won’t give up his seat. Soon she started crying about how she's a pregnant single mum, and so he told her he’s sorry, but that was her personal choice and she can't expect other people to accommodate her life choices. We live in a state where birth control and abortions are free, so he couldn’t think why this should be his problem.

Going by the replies to this tweet the arguments were on both sides. “He ain't wrong though when it comes to what is fair. But when it comes to real life, no men should be like him. Doesn't matter whether you have paid the same ticket amount, but a pregnant woman is suffering and should be helped. Take it if it is your sister. Thats how men should be”. While another user commented, “The pressure in her stomach and her pelvis and her legs? Discomfort is the right word probably. Not suffering.” Yes, everyone knows when her woman is pregnant there are certain nerves that get strained, so yes a position like sitting will help her much. Especially in a moving vehicle.

While the supporters of the man said, “He did the right thing... He must've been very tired and not all pregnant women are tired all the time. Healthy pregnant women are not that tired. And also since no women gave him a seat, it was a befitting reply as well.” Another Twitter user said, “No. Because my offering of seat to a pregnant lady is independent of whether another person offers her a seat or not. If the man doesn't offer his seat he can't be forced or criticized for doing so. It is completely his decision and realisation whether to offer or not.” Meanwhile, another respondent pointed, “Several young healthy women too didn't give up their seats...so wonder why this one man was targeted for doing the same!!!”

But there were many supporter of the woman as well. “1. We don't know whether it really was "her choice". Many women who don't want to be mothers are forced to be. 2. By that logic he wouldn't give his seat to the elderly because they “chose” to live that long till their bodies became frail,” tweeted one user.

Women are biologically created to bear offspring but that does not mean they shouldn’t have equal rights in all spheres as men do. When a woman is pregnant she is carrying another individual inside her body and that takes a toll. Pregnancy is not a disadvantage, but it can be deemed a phase in which some women might need extra care. So instead of generalisation, perhaps we need to talk about individual demands of women during pregnancy as empowerment cannot be a singular broad brush stroke.

Also the burden to help out a pregnant woman shouldn't be placed solely on men's shoulders. As a sisterhood we must take care of each other. That's the only way to empower women without making men feel that they are being asked to accommodate due to the stereotype that their kind is tough and resilient- isn't that reverse sexism?

Asking for a seat on public transport, seeking comfort, these are basic needs not privileges. So instead of twisting our struggles and choices to demean our quest for equality, why not acknowledge our needs?

Views expressed are the author's own.