Power Dynamics In Indian Weddings: Shouldn't Marriage Be A Happy Event For Both Families?

The patriarchal history of India makes it easy to differentiate between the groom’s family and the bride’s family at Indian weddings. Although marriages are supposed to be a blissful event for both the bride’s and groom’s families, only the groom’s family actually enjoys the celebration. The bride's family is running around on their toes. Why should the bride's wedding be a stressful and pressure-filled event for her family?

Indian marriages are a happy occasion for the groom's family, where they just lay back, relax, and have fun, while it is heavier than the bride’s wedding saree or lehenga for the bride’s family. It’s 2023; we have brides who don't hesitate to call off their marriage on the wedding day because of unfair demands; brides who drove the car after biddai; and brides who happily dance at their weddings. Yet, the power dynamic between the groom's and bride’s families is highly prevalent even today.

Power Dynamics In Indian Weddings

In Indian tradition and culture, the bride’s family is conditioned to be submissive to the groom’s family. Rituals such as Kanyaadaan, Kaashi Yatra, Dowry, Biddai etc. are not just regressive towards the bride but her entire family. Although dowry has been deemed illegal in India, we still have most families exchanging dowry under the guise of "gifts."

Traditionally, the groom’s family doesn’t contribute even a single rupee towards the wedding but acts like royalty. They don’t even move a finger throughout the entire wedding. But they sit tall in their simhasanas (chairs) and make demands on the bride’s side of the family. As soon as an alliance is fixed, the bride and her side of the family are obliged to fulfil the never-ending demands of the groom’s family.

Ragini Daliya, senior sub-editor at SheThePeople, said, "During my cousin’s wedding, I saw a lot of men from the groom’s side just sitting and making demands for food and beverages. The bride’s father would slightly bow down, listen to their demands, and make sure their needs were met. It was very hard to watch this because while we were swamped with so much work and were running around, these men were sitting and giggling. It was supposed to be a happy event for both families, but only the groom’s family enjoyed it."

"During my wedding, my ex-husband’s family got offended that the “Maapilai Alaipu” (the equivalent of the baraat ceremony) was not grand enough. They refused to get into the car that was initially sent, and then my father had to arrange another car of their choice at the last minute," said Shahana Narendran, a finance professional.

Hari Priya, a banker, said, "At my sister’s wedding, some relatives from the groom’s family made a huge issue because of the size of the ladoo and the number of items in the gift bag. My dad was almost apologising to them, and that made me want to tell them to stop creating a ruckus over silly issues, but my family forced me to let it go."

"My in-laws were unsatisfied with the queen-size cot and demanded a king-size cot just before the wedding. My parents had to get it exchanged just a couple of hours before the reception, and it really ruined the day for our family," said Sindhu Ganesh, a stay-at-home mom.

This dominating and oppressive attitude from the groom’s side is something that has been normalized for ages in India. Instances of the groom's family making last-minute demands, threatening to call off the wedding for petty reasons, or just dominating everyone are ways of establishing their supremacy. Unfortunately, these tactics work in most cases, and the bride’s family gives in because they are accustomed to this behaviour and are concerned about their family's honour.

However, in the past few years, we have been seeing brides walk out of the mandap due to unreasonable demands from the groom’s family and file police complaints against additional dowry demands on the wedding day. This should be a wake-up call to women and their families to value their self-respect over society’s opinion and traditional norms. It’s high time we realised that this is one of the first red flags in an arranged marriage setting. When are we going to stop forcing women into toxic marriages?

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