10 Everyday Things That Expose Patriarchy's Hypocrisy

Do you know what makes patriarchy strong? Its ambush in our daily lives which ignore as a small cobweb at the corner of the wall. But without our knowledge, the cobweb occupies the entire room.

Similarly, small instances of patriarchal hypocrisy which we ignore in our daily lives seep into our mindset and rules it. So it is important to not only acknowledge but also question everyday sexism. Here are few instances of our daily lives which reek of patriarchy's hypocrisy

10 Everyday Things That Expose Patriarchy's Hypocrisy

1. Sindoor is important. But only for married women?

In our society sindoor is seen as a sacred symbol of marriage. Many women adorn themselves with sindoor by choice while others just because traditions say it. But if marriage is sacred then why is it not for men? If sindoor is a symbol of the sanctity of marriage, why don’t men apply it? Why do women have to adorn themselves with the symbol of marriage every day but not men?

2. Caring for a baby is important. But breastfeeding in public is dirty?

Our society glorifies motherhood. It praises mother figures for the care, love and support they give to their kids. But at the same time, our patriarchal society cringes at the sight of women breastfeeding her child in public. Is breastfeeding not a part of motherhood? Why is it appealing when models wear revealing clothes but cringe-worthy when they breastfeed?

3. After marriage women should move to their in-laws’ house. Why not men?

After marriage, a woman is expected to leave behind her parental house and relationships to build a new family, house and name at her marital house. But men have the right to stay with their parents and rarely visit their in-laws. If marriage is about building a new family, home and life, why is it not for men? Why only women are forced to leave their parental house and serve their in-laws? Do men not have an extended family of in-laws? Shouldn’t they too invest themselves in caring for his in-laws? Or even staying with them?

4. Women change surname after marriage, men don’t

After marriage, a woman is expected to take her husband’s surname and renounce her family name. She is told that now she is a part of a new family so she should imbibe their culture and family name. But doesn’t the same happen for men too after marriage? Don’t they too get attached to a different family with different cultures and surnames? Then why shouldn’t men take their wives’ surname?

5. Housework is important because women need to serve in-laws while men need to be independent

Often families portray the idea of the importance of housework differently for different gender. For women, being good at housework is important because she has to serve her in-laws and husband. While for men, knowing basic of housework is needed to sustain on their own. Don’t women need to be independent too? Shouldn’t women too be allowed to learn just the basics of housework enough to fend for themselves? Why should she know to cook for an entire family? Do we expect men to do so?

6. If women are alcoholic, she is characterless. If men are alcoholic, he needs to be married and rehabilitated

In our society, alcoholism too has a gendered angle. If a woman is an alcoholic, she is character assassinated and not considered unfit for a married and respectable life. While for men it is okay to be an alcoholic. The solution to their alcoholism is to get them married so that the wives can take care of them and bring them on the right path. Why such &t=3s">double standards in alcoholism? If alcoholism is bad, then it should be for both men and women. And if alcoholism is something that can be rehabilitated, then it should be for both men and women

7. Man’s job is a means of livelihood but women’s job is a hobby?

Men in our society are considered to be the breadwinners of the family. Their job is always valued because it is assumed that only men can perform paid labour and manage money. While women’s job is sidelined as her hobby, as something that she is doing to pass her time but not to bear the expenses of the family. Job has no gender. It is paid, requires equal labour no matter who does it. And women can manage money and bear family expenses too.

8. It is okay for women to cry but not for men?

Mard ko kabhi dard nhi hota. How often have you heard this? Men are assumed to be the strong people who control their emotions, unlike women. But who said expressing emotions is a gendered thing or feminine? If it is okay for women to cry and be vulnerable, then why not for men? Emotions make a person human, not weak, not shameful.

9.It is okay for men to have pre-marital sex but not women

Pre-marital sex is blasphemy for women in India. They are shamed for drowning the family name, her reputation and her chances to get married to a good groom. But for men, pre-marital sex is mostly a forgivable mistake or just a reflection of their masculinity. Their “mistake” is easily brushed off by saying “mard aise hi hote hai”. This holds true for every genuine mistake that men commit Like extramarital affairs, sexual harassment, domestic violence among others. But let us understand, women are human. And it is normal for them to be sexual. If it is okay for men to have sex out of wedlock, so should it be for women.

10. Ladki ghar ki izzat hoti hai. Then why don’t we value them?

It is often said that women are the embodiment of family reputation. But then why are they oppressed and restricted by the same family members? Why don’t family members allow the women of their house to go out, represent the family and earn money and fame? Why is all this freedom given to men alone?

Views expressed are the author's own. 

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