Why Do Indian Parents Have Unreasonable Expectations From Their Married Children?

A couple has sued their son and daughter-in-law and has demanded a grandchild within a year or pay them INR 5 Crore. No, this is not a bizarre twist in the plot of some B-grade telly serial; this is a true incident from Uttarakhand in the year 2022. This is unbelievable!

The father SR Prasad based out of Haridwar said, “They were wedded in 2016 in hopes of having grandchildren. We didn't care about gender, just wanted a grandchild.” He further goes on to say, “I gave my son all my money, got him trained in America. I don't have any money now. We have taken a loan from bank to build home. We're troubled financially& personally. We have demanded Rs 2.5 cr each from both my son & daughter-in-law in our petition.”

Parents Sue Son And Daughter In Law

What is surprising is that this couple could even hire a lawyer with this outlandish demand. And their lawyer AK Srivastava insisted that the case portrays the truth of modern society. “We invest in our children, make them capable of working in good firms. Children owe their parents basic financial care. The parents have demanded either a grandchild within a year or compensation of Rs 5 crores.”

I am out of words to deal with this kind of entitlement. So, social media users came to the rescue, one user wrote, “How is having a grandchild solve your financial problems??? You wedded them so that you can have a grandchild???? What???”

Another wrote, “Indian parents find soulmates for their children and want them to mate immediately and produce a male heir within nine months of the wedding. That's the sole purpose of their existence.” One tweet with sarcasm read, “So much tension in family WhatsApp groups today, thanks to this uncle aunty! Also, how will a grandchild help their finances, I have so many questions!” While another one said, “India in a nutshell.”

Why do Indian parents have unreasonable expectations from their children?

“We have given you birth so we own you” seems to be the mantra for such parents. Well, parents please realise your children don’t owe you anything. Supporting you during any illness and in your old age and in some cases financially too is not an obligation it is out of love. Your children have come into this world because you chose to bring them into your life, not the other way round.

A huge section of the Indian society seems to feel entitled that they own their sons while daughters remain the ‘paraya dhan’. If god forbid she chooses a groom for herself then honour killing is the way to go.

So, once such parents choose a girl as their daughter-in-law she also by extension becomes their property and is expected to produce a grandchild (preferably male) as soon as possible. But how large-hearted are these petitioning parents when they say “We didn't care about gender.”

Indian parents need to grow up once their children are married

They do. Parents you need to realise that once your children whether your son or daughter gets married they become a unit along with their spouses. It’s time to leave them alone to make their own decisions. You as parents brought them up as best as possible, educated them and even married them off (arranged marriage happens in only some parts of the world, unfortunately, India comes in that, for it brings within its share of expectations), you have done your duty as parents. Now it’s time for them to spread their wings, build their own nest, have babies if and when they want to and live as they please.

Suggested Reading:

Kerala Cleric Objects Girl Student Sharing Stage, Why Must Women Stay Secluded?

Parenting cannot be compensated

Nobody can put a price on parenting, parenting is priceless. So, when this couple puts a price on their parenting and the sacrifices they have made they are degrading a relationship. For a second imagine, what if the son and daughter-in-law go down to pay the compensation will the expectations seize? Will the relationship end? As a Twitter user rightly said, “First u force your child to study as per your wish and then demand love and sympathy for yourselves. What kind of parenting is this?”

Don’t turn them into versions of yourself by bullying them

Parents need to remember that kids are people too with their own free will. Parents, especially Indian parents already start planning their children’s future once they are born. They will bully them to pursue a certain career path, bully them to marry someone they approve of, bully them to eat and wear what they think is appropriate etc. And now according to this set of bullying parents they have to produce grandchildren to please them. Stop, please think that this is such a toxic thought process.

Grandchild vs INR 5 Crore

But the million-dollar question is how having a grandkid going to solve their financial difficulties? If their son and his wife do decide to have a baby, I for the life of me cannot understand how it will help in their financial distress. Having a baby is added financial expenditure. Who will help whom? Will the son then be pressured to give financial backing still?

In the end, all I can say to these parents is to please set your son and daughter-in-law (if they have any other children) free. And to the children, I say, if their parents are really in dire straits to look for a viable financial solution.

The views expressed are the author's own.