Parents Objectifying Daughters To Fit Society's Beauty Standards Is Detrimental

One evening I was working out at the gym when a mom-daughter duo came into enroll. After enrolling her daughter, the mother explained that she wanted her to reduce all the extra flab within three months. The mother was instructing the trainer to give her daughter heavy workouts because apparently many marriage proposals weren’t working out because of her daughter’s weight. Doesn't this mother realise that she is being toxic?

It surprised me that the girl's mother blamed her daughter's weight for her inability to find a good partner. Then I remembered the Telugu movie Size Zero. In the film, Urvashi plays the mother, who is obsessed with her daughter Anushka Shetty’s weight. In the first quarter of the movie, Urvashi keeps bombarding her daughter with instructions such as "Cover your face while driving, wear this face pack, stop eating junk and oily food, go for a jog in the morning, work out at the gym, etc."

Parents Objectifying Daughter

Body shaming and objectification are sad realities that many girls face from their own mothers. This has always left me with the question: don’t these mothers realise that they are objectifying their daughters just to fit into society’s ">beauty standards? If a man marries their daughter only because she is "beautiful," won't he love her when she doesn't look the same? Won’t mothers think about the repercussions this might have on their daughters' lives? Besides, is marriage just about being attracted to the partner’s physical appearance?

In certain pockets of society, daughters are still seen as burdens, thanks to the ever-lasting dowry system in the country. The prettier the girl, the lesser the dowry. As if girls aren’t already disliked enough by some families, having daughters who do not fit into society’s beauty standards means the family has to pay a higher dowry to get them married. It all comes down to getting women married because marriage is still perceived as a woman’s lifetime achievement.

As if society’s unsaid rules and pressure weren’t enough, relatives worsen the situation. "She’s become so fat! How are you going to get her married?" "Why don’t you try XYZ remedy to get rid of those acne?" "Arey! She’s become darker than before, who’ll marry her?" "Dekho beta, I’m telling you this for your well-being only. Men like women with a little flesh, so if you don’t put on some weight, you’re never going to get married!" Some relatives really enjoy passing such unsolicited comments and advice under the guise of affection and care.

Some daughters grow up believing that their physical appearance is the only thing that can make their marriage work. My friend's mother told her that women needed to be attractive if they wanted their husbands to love them. So, my friend grew up to be a woman who has an unhealthy obsession with her appearance. Self-care is needed, but obsession and the belief that you are not lovable if you don’t look beautiful are detrimental to one’s mental health. It can develop self-hatred, lead to a loss of self-esteem, and lead to depression. Mothers styling their daughters' hair is a wonderful bonding moment, but some mothers ruin it by saying, “men like women with long, voluminous, and lustrous hair.”

A woman, right from birth, is supposed to fit certain beauty standards. As a parent myself, I've seen several young mothers on social media forums vent about how they were blamed for giving birth to a girl with a wheatish or dusky complexion. Some mothers ask for home remedies, and surprisingly, fellow mothers have plenty of suggestions or YouTube links to forward.

When are we going to stop treating women like commodities that need to be made to perfection in order to be sold in the market? Aren’t women human beings with emotions? Shouldn’t parents realise that body shaming will shatter their daughters' emotional health? If parents, especially mothers, aren’t supportive of their daughters and don't teach them body positivity, who will?

Suggested Reading: Looks Are Deceptive, Stop Defining Marriage Through Beauty!