Why Is It Difficult For Daughters To Be Honest With Their Parents?

Getting into medical college was difficult for Priya but she did it with her efforts and parental support. Now she's having the time of her life as she is surrounded by friends and having fun. She also has a partner who is Muslim. She often spends time with him, and loves him but is scared about disclosing it to her parents. She fears it may strain the parents-daughter relationship.

Priya fears being judged by her parents for not focusing on her studies and getting involved in dating, that too a Muslim man because she says her family is Islamophobic. The medical student has to put up a pretence in front of her parents whenever she is with her partner, or drinking or smoking. Although it weighs heavy on her conscience to lie, does she have any other option?

The societal rules make it difficult for women to be honest about their lives and choices, especially with their parents. Women are forced to live dual lives, one that gleams with their likes and choices and the other that drags itself to fulfil unreasonable expectations of parents. This is the case for those women, especially, those who live away from families for work or education.

I know many women who don't talk about their partners, sex life and their habits like drinking alcohol openly with their parents; they are forced to hide things so they are not labelled as "bad daughters" or they fear the parents-daughter relationship will be frayed.

Suggested Reading: Why Does It Take So Little To Become A “Bad Daughter”?

Is this fair? Why should daughters hide the parts of their lives from their parents? Why can’t they be open about their choices and face their parents fearlessly? The answer lies in the patriarchal stereotype that judges women’s character for every choice because the expectations of being an ideal woman are one too many.

Society demands a woman take every step in her life carefully, her choices are not just about her but about the reaction of society towards her. A little deviation from societal expectations can earn them a label of bad daughter and the license to be shamed, and blamed for their entire lives. God forbid, if a woman is ever honest about her sex life, penchant for alcohol or is dating, she is criticised for bringing shame to her family! As per an old saying, the woman is forced to uphold the modesty of her family because it outweighs her individuality.

But why does the reputation of the family lie in restricting the choices of the women? Why is Ghar ki izzat all about how a woman holds up to her sanskaar? Why is it not about how honest a woman is about their lives and choices? Why is it not about how she owns her individuality proudly and is never ashamed of it?

The double-edged sword of life that women are forced to live because of the narrow-mindedness of their parents often becomes harmful for them. In order to hide things from their parents, women go to every extent, sometimes without a thought of the issues, it could create for them. Imagine, a woman who smokes has to find a secret empty place far away from the sight of their parents which could very well be haunted by the lurking harassers who take advantage of such women.

Moreover, they are vulnerable to worse things when they are being dishonest with their parents. What happens if a daughter cannot seek help from her parents if she's dealing with an abusive partner or increased assumption of intoxicants? Who will have their back if they fall?

Dear parents, before restricting your daughters, please think of the consequences it may have. Let them experience things and help them make informed choices and draw healthy boundaries.

I have had the opportunity to share with my parents everything from failed relationships to smoking. I can’t explain how free and happy I feel to live a life that involves my choices and my parents’ support. I want every woman out there to feel this freedom. And for this parents need to start trusting their daughters. They need to stop conforming to &t=3s">double standards like smoking, drinking and having affairs is okay for men but unsanskari for women. They need to help their daughters make informed choices and become their support system.

Views expressed are the author's own.