Yes, Men and Women Can Be Just Friends

"Ek ladka aur ladki kabhi dost nahi ho sakte" Is a word of caution which Bollywood has perpetuated. And the remaining gist of the hour was completed by our families, who didn’t allow us to befriend someone from the opposite sex. However, the question one should ask is why?

Why  can a boy and girl be just friends? Does the root of this problem lie deep inside the patriarchal mindset? Or is it just people not letting you see the other side of the story?

As a society we have never allowed free intermingling of sexes ever. Reason? The mindset of people in the country moves along the NORMS which archaic. The belief that men and women can’t be friends comes from another era, in which women were at home and men were in the workplace, and there was no exposure apart from those who were related to you. But how does that work in 2022 when women themselves are leading the economic force in the country?

So what’s the big deal with opposite-sex friendships?

Stating the mere facts we have already plenty of healthy relationships between men and women that involve no sexual undertones. When seeking out friendships (of any gender), we want someone who shares the same fundamentals of life, as we do. From sense of humor to music and outlook towards the society. The kind of hobbies and binge watch list, food choices have to align. We desire to get along with not the OPPOSITES but people with the same life interests as ours.

In a true friendship, the gender of one's friend is incidental. Friendship is all about understanding and respecting the space and silence between two individuals. It flourishes in this space and resounds in the silence, at the same time making fun of you on your face, and having your back at your back.

YJHD featuring Ranbir Kapoor and Deepika Padukone

How come we were never able to UNDO this norm?

Asking from elders you can figure out that, they never questioned anything that was told to them. You can find your parents saying to you, “hamne aapne maa-baap se kbhi palat kr sawal nahi kiya.” As a matter of fact they are right. So, when there was no WHY they never felt the need to UNLEARN it.

Nonetheless, popular culture and specifically Bollywood have perpetuated this myth. From Tina and Rahul to Harry and Sally. Monica and Chandler, Sid and Aisha all fell in love eventually. We have seen it all and didn’t have much or any example that diverges us from this norm.

The school system provided us all memories of ‘punishment’ when one is caught sitting next to a person of another gender. Teachers calling students in for ‘the talk’, or should I say threat.

Institutions justify these rules by claiming it prevents anything ‘untoward’ from occurring. Now the question arises why can’t educational institutes facilitate free thought and friendships among students? A period of 12 years is supposed to be sufficient to get ready for the outer world. But when students grown-up in a controlled environment, could they thrive when they come face to face with the ?

Here is the thing, while humans are sexual creatures but more than that we all crave deep affection and love, which a friendship can provide us with. The gender of the person whom we are befriending is not important, what really matters is that they have what it takes to be a good friend.

The views expressed are the author's own.