How Healthy Flirting Can Sometimes Turn Into Traumatic Experience For Women

As a woman, you might have come across men flirting with you or being nice to you very often. While some of these gestures are well-intended, they affect different women differently as not everyone is comfortable with it. And it can be completely based on past experiences, here's how.

We often talk about the notion of 'not all men' being patriarchal and toxic but what we often neglect is the experience-based reaction that women can't control. Just like a near-drowning experience can leave you afraid of water for the rest of your life, similarly a bad experience with men can forever make a woman fear every single interaction with the species.

It is just a trauma-based reaction that is not demeaning or offensive in any way. It is something that men should understand whenever they say that their intentions were not bad or they were just being friendly.

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A woman on Reddit shared how she once was home alone while the windshield repairman was doing his work. Once he was done with the repair, he knocked on her door, stepped back respectfully while she opened and began to explain a few things about it. While he was talking, he came a little closer and even referred to her as 'pretty lady' while she knew it was a completely healthy and well-intended gesture.

However, the compliment, otherwise nice, impacted her differently as she realised that the man was really close to her, she had no close neighbours and she was completely defenseless if this situation possibly turns bad.

The woman explained how she once had to escape a taxi driver and the situation brought back scary memories from that time. She wrote she was brave enough to explain the entire incident to her repairman as she knew he was a nice guy. He understood the point and was sorry as he didn't realise it would affect her like that. That, dear men, is why we are skeptical about every male interaction. It is not about your intentions but about our own experiences that make us doubt every single thing you do.

It would not be wrong if we say that there have been several traumatising incidents around the world that have made women rethink believing in men. Problematic gaze, stalking, cat-calling, assault, abuse and manipulation, there are many ample bad experiences that leave women traumatised for the rest of their life.

It is natural that every time a guy approaches them in a bar, they would think he is trying to spike her drink, every time a guy follows her, she would think he is trying to assault her. It may be that they are just asking for their number or giving them the wallet she dropped but that is not the first thing that comes to her mind when she is taught to stay alert always.

Dear men, it is true that women need to understand that it is not all men but that will only happen if the number of good experiences outnumber the bad ones. Even then, it will take time for society to improve and for women to become less skeptical and scared. Till then, we want you to understand and cooperate in making it a safer and more comfortable place for us. You may get doubted but instead of being offended, try to eradicate that doubt by being good.

Remember it may not be you but it might be some other man who did her wrong and every time you do anything similar, she gets reminded of it. Make sure you are considerate of how your actions can have completely different meanings for women.

Views expressed by the author are their own