Why marriage is far from women’s thought, instead what is important

Udita Paul, the co-founder of Bengaluru-based Salt, a fintech, was sent a matrimonial match by her father. Instead of responding normally wanted to hire the probable groom on board her company.  The social conversation between a father and a fintech daughter has gone viral on social media.

That’s how far women of this country have come! And I can’t help but break into a smile.

There was a time when as soon as a girl graduated her parents, family, and relatives all started looking for matrimonial alliances for her. For in India, weddings are the biggest obsession. And a girl is brought up, educated, told to choose a career which will suit her after her marriage too. Everything that a girl must do should be from the point of view of her prospective wedding.

Marriage Far From Women's Thought

Now, this conversation between Udita and her father showcases a changed status. Now women would rather give importance to careers and start their own thing than rather settle down in domesticity. So, what has changed, let’s take a look.

Education has changed perspective

Today girls are educated and have clear cut career paths in their minds. No field is a taboo for women these days. Who would have thought of women being in the armed forces or being commercial pilots or astronauts or rocket scientists two decades ago?   Yes, we have to acknowledge that families too have realised the importance of educating their girls and letting them follow their paths. But then they also have to accept that for their girls getting married is not the final destination.

Will get married when ready

In the midst of building a career, marriage is the last thing on the minds of career-oriented girls. They will only go in for marriage when they feel they are ready and are established in their careers or have found the right companion, a certain someone who supports their ambitions.

Suggested Reading: Young Women In India Are Scared Of Marriages, Why?

Changed meaning of marriage

Earlier marriage meant a secure life with a well-earning man, where women need not step out to earn a living. These days when women are in careers as same as men and are earning as much, marriage is not seen as security but as a liability, where their careers might take a backseat.

Another reason for getting married was for procreation or having babies to carry forward family names. Not anymore. Women can now be single moms, adopt, go in for surrogacy or even freeze their eggs for later use.

Marriage now means companionship, where two adults are equal partners, who invest the same amount of time, energy and money in building their lives together and bringing up children.

Prefer to be single

When Emma Watson said, “I am self-partnered”, that showed the changed status of women. Women no longer feel the need to marry and prefer singledom instead.  Marriage is no longer a measure of success. The way the job market, technology, and remote working have exploded among the Millennials and Gen Zers, it’s easier for them to have goals outside of marriage while still supporting themselves. In some cases, women are the sole breadwinners of the family. In such a scenario it’s difficult to choose marriage over singlehood. Being single means a hassle-free life.

Afraid of family life and work balance

It’s also true that women are afraid of doing a tight rope walk between their work demands and family life. Being married in India almost always means marrying into a family. So, along with her own job requirements she has to additionally take care of the elderly at home, kids and household chores. Women want men who will be partners at home even who will participate in household chores. Women want to postpone this decision till later.

I don’t know which of the above is the reason for Udita to send a job offer instead of treating the match as her prospective groom, she may have her own reasons but what is true is that women these days give more importance to building their careers rather than settling down with a chosen alliance.

Views expressed are the author's own