"Too Old For Marriage": Who Decides When Grown Women Should Marry ?

There is a time limit set by the shallow standards of the society for women to get married, beyond which they are judged for finding love or getting hitched. It is not difficult to make sense of the judgment received by women in their 30s, or even later 20s, for marrying "late" when India constantly debates about the marriage age of women and so much friction is felt when there have been laws pushing the age further. It makes one feel that society wants women to get married as soon as they can so that they don't get time to make decisions on their own. So that they don't reach the maturity to be able to choose for themselves.

We often see people being obsessed with the marriage of young women. They tell them to get married while they are still young, have children while they still can, and find a partner while they still seem attractive to the male gaze. The notion of the 'age limit' of marriage is so absurd and yet it has been followed until now.

Marriage Age For Women - Is Love Among Adults Really Age Bound?

As per the current scenario, society considers 21-30 years as the ideal marriage age for women. They are young, can easily bear and take care of a child. They reduce a women's ambitions, dreams, career and love life to a marriage where all she is required to do is bear children and have enough stamina to take care of the house and her husband. Based on these 'expected future roles', the eligibility criteria are formed. And once you get menopause, you are no longer fit to become a bride because what will you do without children? Your place is taken by someone younger than you who can still bear a child. Does this mean that women have no other thing to offer as a married spouse if they don't bear children? Do they stop being lovable? Do they not deserve to have a family without children?

The man stays the same. He is always an eligible bachelor, whether it is in his 20s, 30s or 60s. We see young girls being married off to old men all the time. Even today, it is considered completely normal for a girl in her 20s to get married to a guy in his 40s. How long are we keeping those double standards? The age gap does not matter when the guy is older because they are considered forever fertile. Society's notion of marriage is just to produce heirs. You don't get married for love. Even if you do, you still need to have kids. Your personal choices are no longer a choice, it becomes a duty.

Women marrying after 40 or 60 years of age is yet to be normalised. It is the age where you are expected to take responsibility as an elder and set an example for the young. Society won't like if you are getting married at the age when you are expected to find matches for your children or play with grandchildren. That's how society thinks. But are we not allowed to make our own choices? Setting an example for young is telling them that they can make their own choices and decide their own path. Nobody can stop them from exercising their rights and living their life the way they want.

The point of marriage is to love a person with your whole heart and decide to spend the rest of your life with them. It is not just the pleasure of the body but also the joy of the soul, the peace and calmness of having someone to hold when you go through tough times. Someone to support when they are in need and enjoying the highs of each other's life together. You can find that someone in your teenage or 60s or even beyond that.

Society needs to know that marriage is a personal choice and everybody can decide when they want to get married. Women can decide to prioritise their careers and get married later or they can fall in love in their teenage and get married as soon as they turn 21. Or they can even decide not to get married at all. Young or old, there is no barrier or limit when it comes to love. And we are nobody to judge anyone for the personal life they choose. Women are not obliged to live up to society's expectations. They should live as they want, not as they are told to.

Views expressed by the author are their own. 

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