Why Do Men Get Intimidated When Women Ask Them To Improve Sexually?

Raise hands if you feel uncomfortable asking your male partners to improve sexually. I can imagine a pool of hands hesitantly rising up because it is not easy for women to admit that they had to discuss this dicey issue with their partner. Talking about or questioning the sexual prowess of men not only makes them uncomfortable but fuels a sense of insecurity. Especially when it comes from their partners, men somehow end up feeling insufficient or not good enough. But what is the reason behind this? Why can’t men handle questions about their sexual prowess? Why can’t women ask their male partners to improve on the bed?

For most men, sexual prowess is an extension of masculinity, or that is what they are conditioned to believe. Just like the presumption that men are strong and independent and do not get emotional or cry, men are assumed to be sexually adept. Watching porn, masturbating, having a sexual debut earlier in life and having multiple sex partners are all considered to be masculine traits. The assumptions are so strong that at times it is unimaginable that a man doesn’t know about sex or is not interested in it.

Male sexual prowess: A touchy topic for most men

Consequently, many men deal with the pressure to perform well sexually. Since it is assumed that men do not need to be taught about sex, many men hesitate to ask their partners to lead. The complex is even bigger when the partner is a woman. Why? Because women in our society are always assumed to be too sanskari to know about sex. Women are never taught or allowed to talk about sex, have a sexual debut before marriage or masturbate. In such a case, if a woman teaches nuances of sex to a man or points out the lack in his sexual prowess, men automatically feel ashamed and even threatened.

Moreover, female desire remains a taboo in our culture due to which it is hard for men to even accept that women can have certain sexual expectations from them. A woman's orgasm, her sexual needs have little to no place in most men's understanding of sex, because for them, it is all about male pleassure and satisfaction.

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With such mindsets, men who are questioned by women about their sexual prowess feel that somehow they were disrespected or their domination was violated.

Due to this gender power play in bed, communication during sex becomes very difficult for couples, impacting their relationships.

Indian men need to stop conforming to the patriarchal definition of ">masculinity. Being sexually good isn't about how long can you last in bed, or how many women have you slept with, it is about how well do you understand your partner's needs. So if men truly want to increase their sexual prowess they need to start listening to their partners. Like any other performance, there are always possibilities or need to be better. Don't consider questions on sexual prowess as questions on your validity as a man or a partner. Just try and see them as your partners feedback or their desire to gain more from sex that will only bring happiness to your relationship when fulfilled.

Views expressed are the author's own.