Domestic Violence Against Men: Why Don't We Take It Seriously?

My morning was ruined by a chilling video of a wife brutally hitting her husband with a bat. Even more disturbing was the situation of the couple’s child who was shivering with fear while witnessing all this from a corner. Mard ko dard nahi hota when are we going to stop believing this?

Trigger Warning: The article talks about violence.

The video certainly pushed me down my memory lane when I saw my parents fighting. But the difference was in the gender of the violator and the violated. What I saw was domestic violence against women which is well-recognised by law. But the video was about domestic violence against men - an issue that is never taken seriously.

Intimate partner violence (IPV) is abuse or aggression that occurs in a romantic relationship. “Intimate partner” refers to both current and former spouses and dating partners.

Male Domestic Violence

The incident happened in the Alwar district of Rajasthan. The husband who is a Principal in school married his wife seven years ago after he fell in love with her. However, the husband alleged that after some time of their marriage, his wife started beating him up for no reason. He faced physical and mental harassment for a long time at the hands of his wife. But now, as he said, the wife has “crossed all limits”. The Principal has moved to Bhiwadi court to seek justice and take action against his wife.

This is not the first time that incident of domestic violence against men has been reported in India. Shockingly, out of 1000 men, 51.5 per cent experience spousal violence in India at least once in their lives. Even then, domestic violence against men is not recognised as a crime by Indian law. The laws against domestic violence are women-centric excluding the possibility that men too can be harassed. Eventually, many men who face domestic violence either do not seek any justice or have to use other laws that address mental harassment or grievous harm. Due to this, many men face false charges of domestic violence in India that completely ruins their lives. Moreover, even if women are found guilty of abusing their husbands, they get out of it easily because there is no stringent law against it.

Shockingly, out of 1000 men, 51.5 per cent experience spousal violence in India at least once in their lives.

Is this fair? Why can’t laws against any type of violence be gender-neutral? Don’t the lawmakers of our country know that rape, harassment and torture are borne by men too? Why does society assume that torture and violence are suffered by women only? 

Apart from the absence of law, societal norms also stop men from seeking justice. Patriarchy makes it appear that men can never face violence. They are assumed to be too strong to get hit or hurt by anyone, especially a woman. The common saying that mard ko dard nahi hota forces, men, to ignore or be silent about their sufferings. Especially in the case of spousal violence, the shame of being beaten up by a woman further pulls them back from making the matter public. Being beaten up by a woman challenges his masculinity. So the same patriarchy which gives a man the power to subjugate a woman actually subverts his ability to call for help. 

Is it right to force men to bear pain and torture without complaining just to protect their masculinity? Why should a man's strength lie in showing his physical strength only?

The problem is that in our society spousal violence is rarely taken seriously. If it happens with women, it is ignored as something that women have to face because of their gender. And if it happens with men, it is not even considered possible. So it is high time that we start taking spousal violence seriously and stop viewing it from the lens of patriarchy. Domestic Violence/intimate partner violence/ spousal violence is wrong- it doesn’t matter what the perpetrator's gender is. The way we are raising awareness about domestic violence against women, we need to uplift men too who are subjected to this evil. We have to create an equal society and not another dictatorship.

The views expressed are the author's own.