Dear Mom, I Wish You Had Told Me These Five Things About Love And Relationships

Love and relationship advice is not hard to come by, especially in the age of the internet, but how much of it is dependable? Don't we all seek tips from those we trust on how to handle a relationship or the red flags we need to watch out for in fresh love? But guess what, Indian moms seldom talk about love and relationships with their daughters and even if they do it is mostly about marriage. When you get married, this is what you need to keep in mind. But mom, what about before I get married? My first love or steady relationship? Why not tell me how to go about it?

The idea of love seems beautiful, warming and serine. But with all these beautiful feelings love comes with other challenges and commitments too. And all these challenges come as a shock sometimes. When I fell in love for the first time one thought constantly struck my mind- I wish my mom told me these things beforehand. It would have been so much easier to navigate my love life, to bear the pain when things didn't work out or even to move on, if I had a guide to go by, from the person whose views I trust the most- my mom.

So Here Are 5 Things I Wish My Mom Told Me About Love And Relationships:

Relationships Are Not Always A Smooth Ride

The idea of a relationship is always associated with love and happiness. If you are new to this experience, you might walk into it believing that this relationship will be the epicenter of happiness and warmth. What we often realise later is that a relationship comes with both good and bad parts. It cannot be a fairyland - those belong in storybooks, not reality. With beautiful parts come the ones which can drag you to the darkest corner of your life. If you are willing to accept the sunny days then you must welcome those marred by clouds and rains too.

Perfect Relationships Don't Exist, They Are Made

Relationships don't come easy or maybe they do but they do not sustain easy. Perfect relationships are not served on a silver platter but they are made with effort, love, and care. What we often misunderstand is that our relationship is going work without us putting in any effort. As a result we take our partners for granted and that could leave them feeling unloved and uncared for.

Picture credit: Bustle

Not Everything For Love

We all have heard 'Everything is fair in love and war' But is it? Can anything and everything be justified in the name of love? This idea is highly problematic. We often tend to ignore things that we shouldn't out of love in the name of but they love me. No love can justify abuse, oppression, or violence in the name of love. Many people bear abuse, either mental or physical or both, in the name of love or because they think they can't survive without their partners. But being in a relationship where your partner doesn't treat you right or doesn't respect you is not really love, is it?

Sometimes It's Not Love

Falling in love, being in a relationship, committing to each other, or dating- people use all these terms interchangeably. But they are all very different terms. When we are young we tend to fall in love with every second person who gives us attention. Sometimes it is just attraction that we might confuse for love. Other times, a casual relationship may seem like it is heading for something serious, but only to one of the two people involved. The key is to constantly check on each other and clarify how you feel about the relationship. This approach could protect a person from a world of hurt.

Don't Rush Take Your Time

When we fall in love for the first time or we think we have, we often rush things, and sometime this hurry destroys everything. The hurry to be in a relationship can be due to various reasons. One of them is peer pressure. People get thoughts like 'All my friends are dating but I'm single' 'I'm single they'll make fun of me'. But hurrying into a relationship isn't the smartest thing to do. It is better to take time to understand the other person, their nature, likes and dislikes and look beyond love to a trait that ends up mattering more in long-term relationships- compatibility.

Suggested Reading: Five Things No One Will Tell You About Your First Relationship