Being Vocal About Her Sexual Needs Doesn't Make A Woman "Dirty"

Do you openly discuss your sexual needs or is it a matter which is hushed upon often? Do you fear being misjudged as ‘perverted’ or ‘dirty’? 

When I was in school I came across Maslow's need-hierarchy theory. I was shocked at finding sexual needs listed there because I was habitual to understand that we must not talk about it. That's when I realised how we are conditioned into believing women’s needs are taboo subjects and shouldn’t be discussed. Whereas a man is often encouraged when he tells about his sexual experiences and is often seen as a testimony to his masculinity.

Women amongst themselves don’t feel as if they can freely discuss what they need when it comes to sex. I have noticed even within my friend circle that while talking about any other topic we get into detailed theories, ideas or opinions but when we move around sexual needs we are often met with a sense of discomfort from a few. 

What are the reasons?

Discomfort/ Embarrassment

I believe sexual needs are not talked about often for the simple reason of embarrassment. Since it's long been a topic kept in folds we fail to muster the courage to express our needs blatantly. A sense of discomfort remains as it is a fairly unspoken topic but we can overcome this by expressing our needs explicitly; comfort zones are most often expanded through discomfort. 

Never treated as a topic of importance

It may be due to the general concept that it's not a topic people read or write about often or neither do we hear sexual needs being discussed and so it's often overlooked. Society is to be blamed here as we are collectively part of a community that disregards sexual needs as actual needs when it comes to women.

Fear of being misjudged as perverted

We often base our abilities and respect on other people’s opinions of us. So even while discussing sexual needs, one always has doubts if the other person is judging us. This judgement can be due to ignorance and stereotypes but it undermines our confidence and has us wondering about our acceptability.

Lack of sexual communication

Sexual communication is directly proportional to sexual relationships and sexual satisfaction. Women find it difficult to channel their sexual voice or believe that they can express their sexual needs to their partners. In the absence of doing so, we dismiss ourselves and also lose the chance of improving our sexual relationship. By increasing effective sexual communication we make sure of a smooth overall communication level with our partners. A better sexual relationship ultimately means trust in your partner and development of your sexual well-being.

Being vocal when it comes to sexual needs is surely tough but if we work on certain aspects it will become a little easier. Even though it seems like bitter medicine, it'll surely show results in the form of better expressing your needs, increased pleasure in relationships, and a better sex life.

We need to start creating a safe space for women to come forward and discuss their sexual needs. It’s been a long since we pretended their needs are non-existent, so much so that women themselves judge them for explicitly stating their sexual needs. Efforts for establishing effective communication on sexual urges must be done by both partners. It's about time we start acknowledging sexual needs as needs.

Views expressed by the author are their own.

Suggested Reading: How Discovery Of Self-Pleasure Taught Me About Female Shame And Guilt