Parents Kept Me Alive: Kim Petra On How Parental Support Matters For Queer Community

Kim Petras, the first transgender woman to win a Grammy Award, thanked her mother, who accepted her transgender identity and saved her from taking her own life. Isn't that amazing, Petras who was on edge got saved by her mother. The 30-year-old pop star in an exclusive interview with Out Magazine, said that she was suicidal during childhood and wouldn’t be here if it hadn't been for her parents, who believe in her. We all know there are still apprehensions about LGBTQ community, coming out to parents is still a tough nut. Think, if parent supports their children the way Petras's parents did, life would be little easy.

A report by a US-based NGO in 2022 revealed that nearly 34,000 queer and trans youngsters aged between 13 and 24 exhibited alarming rates of suicidal tendency, anxiety, and depression. In most cases, this stems from external factors like social stigma, ostracization, and discrimination from family rather than from owning up to their identity.

SheThePeople spoke to actor Sushant Divgikar, "Support of parents is crucial, because they can ensure how safe their kid is. My parents supported me, today I am in better place, with the education everything they provided. Also, If parents give birth to children, the children also gives birth to parents. Before that they are just individuals."

Given the patriarchal upbringing, it’s difficult for parents to break free from traditional beliefs and attitudes. The majority of millennials and Gen Z parents would have been raised to conform to social norms, which would make it difficult for them to unlearn certain attitudes. They are inherently more concerned about acceptance from society than coming out of conservative beliefs if that’s what it takes to love and accept their children. But we’ve lost enough lives in the LGBTQIA+ community solely because, in some way, society outcasts them, and it’s high time we wake up!

SheThePeople also spoke to a couple of rainbow parents from the Sweekar family who wrote to the Chief Justice of India pleading that same-sex marriages be legalised in India and asked them about their journey towards accepting their children’s identity.

Simmi, mother of a transwoman, shared that she saw her son’s feminine moves while dancing to a Madhuri Dixit song. Although she was in shock and denial, she sat down with her child, and they came out to her. "I was not ready to accept it because initially I looked at homosexuality as a disease. It took me about two years to accept reality. However, acceptance was difficult and painful. Losing my son scared me, as I had already lost my husband. So I chose to accept him the way he was. I became his ally and accompanied him to various pride marches across India," she said.

Dr. Geetha Menon, a psychologist, shared that she initially struggled to come to terms with the fact that her son is a transman. She was apprehensive of how her family and society at large would react—if they would shun her child and how it would affect their future, etc. She took her time to accept reality and did everything to understand her child’s world, from meeting people in their community to attending seminars and workshops.

"I realised that the child I raised has not gone anywhere. They remained strong, confident, kind, and level-headed. They have changed only in appearance. I realised that it would have taken tremendous courage on my child’s part to come out. I understood that their identity was real and valid. We as parents are entitled to our emotions, but we need to understand that our children are also going through tough emotions, although of a different kind," she said.

It is very natural for children to seek constant approval and acceptance from their parents. No matter who says what, parental support is significant in a child’s life. So, if a person decides to become a parent, they need to be open to accepting their child as they are and loving them unconditionally. Right from birth, parents need to establish a strong bond between them and their children so that children are assured that parents are their safe space to open up about anything.

Kim Petras On Parents Support

All children expect from their parents is to always stand by them, even if it means standing against society. At the end of the day, no matter what society says about us, what truly matters is the support and acceptance we receive from our loved ones. And Kim Petras is an example of just that. Due to age-old social conditioning, some parents might feel that they’ve failed as parents if their child turns out to identify themselves as LGBTQIA+, but no, a parent has really failed only if they don’t accept their child for who they are. If parents don’t support their children, who will? Children are children; mere sexual orientation can't change parents love for them. So, it is society that influences parents and forces them to not support their kids. But if Petras's mother can bring her out of being suicidal, imagine how parents' support can ease every queer kids' struggles.

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